band is just not the same anymore..
 
the sec 4s are leaving, leaving me here alone. i miss them all..  urgh.. im left all forlorn and rejected by the juniors. its just not the same feeling for band i used to have. come to think of it.. they actually threw my attendance slip. it goes to show that i am sort of non-existent to them. i am one of the graduating(or not) students. i was really angry. i really was. now the seniors like J and roy have started their poly life. now i seldom see them at all. and zat is going for ns. tim, eugene and the sec 4s are busy preparing for their o levels. i know i am really getting dependant on them. but how will i survive this? wif no one to talk to, laugh wif and approach? the juniors arent just what i want them to be. the monkey-like crazily mad and simply tOo funkaay people. now the only people i hang out after band is only.. wendy, benny and xing wen. like wow.. what a whole lot of friends i used to have. now i am single and unattended. where's the after band dinner? WHERE IS IT ALL?! i cant take this as what i call band. i call this boredom. what is music when there aint the life in it?! they play good music, yes they do. but band is lifeless to ME. its just like listening to a radio in an empty room. yes good music.. symphony 92.4. but.. where are the people who teach me how to play it? i am all alone in this four wall room. nothing but emptiness.
--this incident that made me feel even worse.--
i was trying to play merry widow at a corner by myself. nelson wanted to close the room. i was like.. WADEVA. so i continued playing. then.. someone switched off the lights. i screamed and told him to get the lights on. i was practising. come on? give a lil respect? then benjamin, yes benjamin, he shouted "shuddap la!!!". shocked and pissed. i screamed back at him the f word. (which is soOoOoOo NOT me in the band last time) he ignored it and walked away. hao jie told me to stop playing because they wanted to close the room. pissed as i was, i took my flute out of the room and packed up. where is the respect that they have in me? no, they dont even give a lil respect AT ALL. talking to me in a tone like that is the last thing u would do. whoever crap u are, u are gonna suffer in my clutches. i am so gonna attitude u. which is soOoOooO NOT me. i can be really nice. i can really be evil too. u cant bothered can u? benjamin? straight in ur face.
 
not anyone at all from J's batch nor my batch has asked me to shut up. not even zat. zat loves me. and i love him too. to my screaming to my yelling to my shouting and then my horribly ugly singing, never once has he asked me to shut up. yes he would laugh or critisize me but nv would he ask me to stop. i have done so many bad things and no one has blamed me at all. cuz i was favoured by them. and of course loved too.. C; i am starting to feel the miserableness without them. can you imagine..? my oh my.. am i tearing? oh yes i am.. hHAhhahhHHAhhAhHAhha. i hate the band i am in now. there is no way i'd feel accepted in this band. they asked me to put myself in jacintha's shoes. to do what she did. but jacintha was a different case. we accepted her as our own. the juniors now wont. even if they do, i dont feel it at all. i am all miserable and forlorn. now my blog really suits my life. it really does. sec 4s are not completely graduated yet.. but i am feeling alone. how bad can it get when they really go..? where will i be? i love timothy. i cant do without him. we came into the band together, known as the two lil tuttiflutties.. now we're not leaving the band together. :'c i also need eugene as the drum major. i use to call him names when he scolds me. i use to hate band when i just came in learning all the stupid theory. now i realise how bad i need the life of it. cat is not band. she is feeling as bad as i am. but she does not realise, the band now is different . it aint the same anymore.
 
i cant believe i am crying over this. it doesnt really sound sad.. but i feel really.. crappy.
 
~forlorn and alone~
lYnN fU . : : b l a c k g o t h v o o d o o d o l l : : .

8:48 PM;