the room i stepped into today.. was a room of unfamiliar faces..
the presence and absence of mine just did not matter no more. i aint considered a band member.
the smile they gave was artificial. the masks they wore hid themselves well. they dont like me. i can tell.why did i even bother stepping right back into the room? i missed my flute real badly. REAL BADLY. but the room was no more of the same people. why?there wasnt even one soul who said hello to me. they only gave the 'why-the-fug-are-you-here' smile and face. i thought they would change after zat's so-called lecture. even after it, they have not bonded. where's the fire? being blown dead? pretty much like that..
the people who only cares about this band seriously is benny, aloy, vic... those few names. wendy..? i dont think she knows what is bond .. telling her to play a solo is like asking her to jump off a 70-storey high building.
i hate TWE. yes. yet i love TWE. lets call it the pTWE and cTWE. the previous TWE and the current TWE. okies? i love PTWE. i hate CTWE. all the shit that they do.. so fuggin shitty. and so.. you call this TWE ROCKS? go fug my dog. he is a bi-sexual.

i told cat i wanted to go for band today. she asked me.. 'with this kind of results you have for your prelims.. you still can think of band arh?' i did not know how to reply her.

i did step into the band room.. but i left.. sad for me.. happy for the cTWE. i know how much they hate me. I KNOW IT. have you heard of mind-reading?
hehs. aloy tried talking to me.. making me feel loved.. but it shouldnt be ONLY HIM to be doingthe job eh?
i wanted to play with them but i thought.. i have this fuggin f&n project to do. but then again.. if they ask me to stay.. why not? but the first thing they asked was 'you playing arh? not enough place for you'. i knew pin yi tried to tell florence that there aint enough chairs for me to play. so.. almost trying to imply (to me) they dont want me to play.
the pTWE would usually call me up if i wasn't there.. and i would hear the lil timmy telling me 'there is band today!!! better come NOW.' hehs. even though i was already at tampines, i rushed back to school. but things are different now.

when i kept my flute. i stood at a corner. looking at the band. listening to what new scores they were playing. as i stuffed my flute into the cupboard. i reminisced the used-to-be TWE. then as i opened the door to leave.. i looked back at the band. no one waved goodbye. NO ONE even cares about me. so i left silently. i saw kekang staring at the well arranged shoes. i made a false front, acted normal. i said bye. took my bag from the piano.. and the second step i took, tears gushed out from my ducts. i just couldnt control it. SYF memories flashed past my mind. the happy hugging together when the 'announcer' said "temasek wind ensemble................ DISTINCTION." everyone jumped and screamed IN JOY. the tears that gushed out was the same fast flowing thing. no one could stop it from happening. i looked back at the dark 'alley' that would lead me to the stairs. i just cried. blah blah blah. i wiped my tears as i was nearing the 1st level. believe it or not. it was ME crying in SCHOOL for the band that i USED TO love that much.
<--------------------- my love for band is this much. -------------------------->
i expect that much of love to be returned to me. like how eugene pampers me. like how much zat spoilt me. like how much roy loves me. like how much tim laughed with me. like how much dinners i had with the YO! gang. EVERYTHING. the love, love, and MORE LOVE.
the love i receive<----->now is this much. the five dashes to represent the ONLY five people who recognises me. benny, aloy, vic, wendy and yilin.

the band is so full of dead people. they are just walking, talking, eating, drinking, playing, performing corspes.
which is wrong. you are supposed to walk band, talk band, eat band, drink band, play band and perform band.

-i am sad. forlorn. melancholic(again). yes. AGAIN.

zat my dear... heard that you're having fever.. POOR THANG.. take caressssssss eh! i told you to take care.. you dont wanna listen. hMmMmmMm. eat more. become fatter more difficult to get flu or what fever all these.. okok? mUaH*

i love tim, eugene, viv, mal, liming, teresa, jing fang, kang zhuang, jerom, jing qing, roy, aaron, zhi jian, daryl, samuel, jacintha, liza, audrey, rickson, J, juling, wang quan.. and some other few 2003 SYF batch members.. :c i miss you guys loads and loads.

`idneverstepintotheroomofunfamiliarfaces.]]
LyNn fU -4 tissue issue-

10:28 PM;