great, now that i have a proper blogskin, i shall update MORE OFTEN.. due to the requests of certain people who says i don't update enough. c:
so much has been happening in so little time. pardon me for saying this again but time has been passing in a blink of an eye. a few days back i was telling cat "man.. the class chalet is still like.. 2 weeks away.. tsk.. so long.." and what? there's only 1 week to the 12th of march- music is it concert- and the start of class chalet which is on the 14th. i'm sorry bandits.. but i won't be able to attend this overnight stay band camp. OH WELL. who'd bother anyway? not that anybody has been wary of my absence. nobody really bothers anymore. maybe, just maybe, i should consider helping the temasek freestylers in THEIR syf2005. hah! believe it or not, that is what i'd rather do than compared to the dejecting sectionals we always have. i've, no.. LOTS of "performance band" members feel so useless and neglected. we're like the excess proteins that runs in the bloodstream: important in ones body, but does nothing. i feel so E X T R A, so FRIGGING insignificant. we have no repertoire to practise, no ORGANISED band practices. N O T H I N G. we're just waiting for time to pass, the sun to set, awaiting to see a B E T T E R tomorrow when we have individual practice/sectionals (with only a miserable attendance of 3 flautists). I FEEL INSULTED. retarded. spasticated. pathetic. i can't keep myself mum anymore. i WANT to be heavily involved with affairs of the band. although how much i'd flunk my tests, i want to do something and not just practise scores played kezillion times or play scores that will not be performed. WHAT PERFORMANCE BAND IS THIS? my tone has become from worse to worst. why? cuz i've been drifting away from this band i ONCE belonged to. nothing really interests me anymore or keeps me going. the people who loves me are hardly present, and the people present hardly loves me. what point does it make if i go or not? my absence or presence would not affect anyone. who in the present band would give a damn if i'd be hospitalised one day?
"oh goodness gracious! she's hospitalised?!" haha~ such niceties are all FAKE. incognito. and who would really bother to visit me? hmm.. logically speaking, no one. majority would just go " oh fuck her, she deserves to die.."and walks away from reality.
i've been deceiving myself from the start. telling myself i'd give my best in syf 2005. and that i'd be a great friend to all the flautists and blabbers. HAH~ not being in the syf band wasn't a great deal to me. but going for band which always ends up as sectionals is. so unorganised. pissmeoff. i'd rather watch basketball. at least they'd talk to me. c: the warm feel that someone actually bothers to talk to you, ask you if you'd be going home soon and whether or not you'd wanna join them for dinner.. so NICE~ just like syf2003 band. it's not that i don't try, it's that people try for a while and then can't be bothered anymore. i'm not that hard to be with, am i? oh wells. umpteenth times i've tried to get myself enthusiastic about matters of the band. it just bores me. really. i don't feel the fire at all. the fire which mr glosz said the band had, and then accepted to conduct our band. NO FIRE, at all. eurgh. not that i wanna diss anyone, but seriously, i'm left out, left in the lurch, left on the shelf. whatever phrase used to describe neglected/ignored.
truth be told, there was one saturday where sandy and i were waiting for band to start. she waited for half an hour or so and i waited for a mere few minutes before knowing "yes, again, they'll delay our practice.. to what? 11am instead of 10.30am.." and then i got pissed and "muttered" to myself "godarnit i feel useless." sandy heard that and she teared. do you know how much you've neglected the performance band members? i wouldn't call it a "performance band". why? this "BAND" that consists of pathetic members waiting for someone to actually 'NEED' us. OH WELL, i've talked too much.
YAAY, music is it is nearing! wee~ AND SO IS THE CLASS CHALET!!! woo hoo!!!~ so long we've waited. our reward for passing our english n levels! whoopeedeedoo! i'm gonna have a helluva fun there! 14th of march.. I AM COMING!!!
and, huifang/kirby/nicholas, please inform me if there's any chilling to do! hahaha~ so stressed. or so i assume myself to be. the truth is? i haven been serious in any of the work.
8:23 PM;