♥ Tuesday, September 09, 2008
sometimes i wonder
what has really been going on in people's lives, what are they doing, what have they been up to, are they too busy for me, can they entertain me for a bit when i'm bored and stuffs like that. i do realise i am always devoted to one thing for a period of time. and by saying that, i only have time for one thing. that means skating, dancing, school, person, friend or whatever that i'm interested in.
i went through my old phone, i saw messages from old friends from TP, temasek, maple and there were many of which that were birthday wishes, christmas greetings, new year greetings or just simple good-morning-have-a-nice-day-ahead messages. so many people that would previously do such a thing for me, wouldn't anymore, i believe.
i'm sorry because i'm quite ignorant, quite take things for granted, quite self-centred, quite negligent, quite stupid and quite an ass for a human. i don't realise and regret only until i finally see what's going on with other people's lives, how come they never seem to miss me, they never call me out, they never cared about what's with me until they need me.
i don't actually know what i'm busy with too. maybe i'm busy watching tv, busy sleeping or busy stoning. yea. possibly. probably. maybe.
these days, nobody really bothered to call me anymore. because i suck.
truth be told, i can hardly remember anyone's birthday except for those super close ones. for new year and christmas holidays, i hardly do send messages out to greet anyone because yea, you get the message even without receiving it. it's new year, everyone knows it! so that being said, i really do take things for granted, very much. ):
and sad to say, that makes me such an unpleasant being. i used to be so much cared for, so amiable and bubbly. now? don't tell me, i know it, already.
maybe if i change my ways of sloth things would be the same as before. but i think it's too late. everyone has found new friends to hang out with. everyone has a new best friend. everyone has their own things to do and are "too busy".
i fear rejection but at times i do it to people. i really think it's karma. it's coming back to me. ): sighs. what to do, i think i have to make up for my negligence now. i must repent.
it's quite miserable to live with a phone with no incoming messages or calls. it's only that 1 same person that you devote your time to that puts the same much devotion to you. and it's getting too out of hand. i need to bring myself out of it.
my mother said to me, "so what? you gonna give the rest of your life to one person? what if separation comes into the picture?" then i thought, i'd probably be depressed, because i'd have nothing. no friends, no mate, no money, no life, nothing to devote to and plenty of time. hmm. i think i need to turn tables.
saw things that triggered memories and told me that my friends are all leaving me.. boo. ): sucks to be lynn sometimes.
Sentosa 2008.i don't mind sentosa every once a week now. (:
Temasek Sec 2005. 5Unity.times of my life i'll never forget.
Temasek Sec 2002. Christmas.we're all cute. (:
Temasek Poly 2006. Best male buds.(who came down to ECP to visit me but.. i left to skate a while later.)
Maple 2006. the only online gamers i meet rl.
my best friend, who held my balloons. (: another one who was beside me, taking the photo and laughing with me.i think to myself, am i really worthy. someone who will hold my balloons and spare me the embarrassment while we were in the train. maybe it's really time to make amendments of being a rejection whore. well, time to end my embarrassing moments of revealing my stupid flaw.
well, i shall embarrass my dog instead! haha. i was swinging the table and he was terrified. just look at his face. :x old man cannot take exciting rides. BUT ANW, HE BLOODY HUMPED MY BOLSTER until ALL HIS JUICE WAS ON IT. and i was SO PISSED i had to throw it away. can anyone tell me if it's the mating season or what? the pass 2 weeks he's been humping my pillows, bolster and MY POOR EEYORE IN THE FACE!!#$!@# omg. this is.. damn gross. i shall stop. okay. that's it for today. i'm going to sleep.GOOD NIGHT.
4:00 AM;
