All the things said, running through my head, running through my head, running through my head.

I don't think it'll ever be right to say anything anymore.
I'll just leave it be. Like I said, whatever happens, happens.


And we're all clear about what it's going to be like now since it's already said.

Said it, heard it, digested it.

All my blood, sweat and tears.
Quarrels, fights and even to the extent of leaving home for it.
All the things she said, fact, fact, fact, truth, truth, correct.


All the reasons I've given, voided with contempt.
That left a bullet in my heart. Utter disappointment. I'm very upset.

But there isn't any reason for me to be anyway. 'Since everything's nothing to me'.


I've sorted it out.
I've planted my feet on the ground that have groomed me but was thwarted othwerwise.
I have all the reasons to prove it but i think, it's useless to do it anymore.
(read the post on june 19)

I will venture and stand on my own. Luckily, I'm strong enough.
No winds have ever put me down.
I am still going to feel the breeze in my hair.


AND BLOGGER IS FINE NOW AFTER 2 MONTHS! HAHA!
CTRL+A, CTRL+X. DELETE soon.
1:35 AM;





Goodbye.




And I will disappear completely until...





I find myself again.
4:10 PM;





Driving practicals have been pretty good with my instructor.. :)
Although i was ranting about how awkward it would be to have someone sitting beside you and watching you drive. I got lucky and they gave me a really crazy instructor. Hahaha.

Monday.
Learnt all the basic need-to-know about driving. seat belt, rear view mirror, side mirror, windscreen wiper, hazard light, bla bla bla.. drove a little bit back and forth then he said i was a smooth driver (cus i drove illegally before). :D

Tuesday.
He brought me out of the circuit to boost my confidence. I am seriously terrified to drive on a real road beside cars, buses, lorries whatsoever. Seriously hor, a lot of people like to bully learners on road.

There was this van who was right behind me who drove really fast and was tailgating me. So I was instructed to not get nervous just cus he goes fast and i must go fast too.. So i went really slow instead and the van had follow cus it was a 1 lane road.

and when the road opened to a 2 lane road, i was still going really slow so he wanted to overtake me from the left.. so he signalled then my instrctor told me to turn left and so i did. the van was still behind me after that. LOL. and so we needed to turn left whilst the van was going straight.. so he cut into the right lane again, then revved and zoom zoomed away.

I was a bit nervous cus i'm still a noobie, but my instructor said to me "wha good ah, you can do what i tell you to. You see, this kinda people don't need to scared of, just counter attack them if they want to bully you. they crash into you is their fault, don't care just let them crash and pay."

friday.
He was satisfied with my performance so he said we'd be going to tampines to test the gear shifting and engine braking. I stalled twice on the road, sudden braked once and stopped ahead of the stop line once. I MIGHT FAIL LIKE THAT LUH. -.- crap.

seriously the tension builds up cus i'm not really confident of myself.

We went at 82km/h along the road to tampines ikea cus he wanted me to drive faster and more confidently. My heart was screaming as i controlled the accelerator lor. i could've gone faster but i didn't dare to. seriously i'm a coward cus i don't wanna die in a road kill. :D

Besides, I can't anticipate stupid traffic lights and I get amber lights so often when i'm near the stop line. GRRRRR...

Anyway outside my driving lessons, I'm still helping out at my parents stall.

The workers from the changi store stole a few hundreds everyday for the past 4 months and now they just suddenly quit cus one was sick of working with my uncle (who helps out at the store a few hours a day) and another (china woman) wants to open a stall like ours OPPOSITE of our stall. So bloody screwed up. So as the most free one, i have to help out. oh well. i get a good amount of allowance by helping so just be filial lo.

I'll be applying for a job at the Resorts World Sentosa. I hope i can get the job cus i'm looking forward to be one of the first few to be INSIDE the universal studios in RWS. :)

travelling there would be a chore but if i earn enough, i might just rent a 2 room flat around harbourfront ( meaning outram park those 2-5 mrt stops away from harbourfront) and live alone (so i can walk around the house naked).

Please don't ask why i would like to do that but it's sort of a dream to live alone and be freely independant.

Oh well.

AND A REMINDER TO ALL:
PLEASE MAKE SURE AT 8.22PM TOMORROW, CITIZENS OF SINGAPORE ARE ENCOURAGED TO JOIN THE PLEDGE MOMENT.
AN ISLAND-WIDE RADIO WILL BE PLAYED AND EVERYONE'S SUPPOSED TO STAND ON THE SPOT AND SAY THE PLEDGE. :D

(i'm patriotic!)

in case you don't know the pledge, it goes..

we the citizens of singapore
pledge ourselves as one united people
regardless of race, language or religion
to build a democratic society
based on justice and equality
so as to achieve happiness, prosperity and progress for our nation.

:l i haven't uploaded a lot of photos but i hope everyone will be patient enough to wait cus i need lucas to pass me the mmc reader. BAH. maybe i should get one so it wouldn't be so much trouble. okay, i'm going off.

my mozilla is kinda screwed cus my face book don't have comment buttons to click on and i can't comment, the page is purely white instead of white and blue and my blogger doesn't have the whole bar to bold words, add photos and change colour etc.

SCREWED!!! so it's gonna be a plain-boring-wordy-with-no-emphasis entry.

BAH! have a good day ahead. I'm off to be my fruit juice mei. :l
2:17 PM;





mbt: relinked. =)
anny: sorry for misleading you. haha. anw, meet me if you're going down to ecp tmr okay! xoxo.
kat: if you're not more busy, then you are as busy as the bouncers! lol. but it was fun!
jor: i don't have the mmc reader. can't upload yet. BE PATIENT, I WILL TAG YOU ALL IN FB!
jav: maybe the goalkeepers are bribed. lol. stupid singaporeans who supported liverpool.. grrr..

I'm on the left and kat on the right. (we're so small.)

the dream house aka bevan's home in sentosa cove.
it's huge for someone to live alone in.
but you can walk around the house naked and go skinny dipping!

i love!
3:15 PM;





friday.

went to ecp at around 10 and did a little skating with bf, jek and shawn. went to the skate park again but i'm still a little alien to the ramps although i did play with it like a good 8-9 months back when we still do urban to bedok skate park and youth park. i don't know why but it seems like a lot of fun when shawn was going up and down those ramps.

i just couldn't bring myself to do it since i wasn't wearing guards and i'm rusty alr. grrr.. maybe next friday. =) i'll ransack my house for those valuable knee guards who'll save my knees from being bruised.

saturday.

reached sentosa at 1pm when i said i'm going at 11am. apparently the journey to reach sentosa was even longer than i expected.

but nevermind for the loneliness cus i was compensated when i reached vivocity. i saw this really handsome caucasian guy who's in singapore for a holiday. he was well-built - toned body and a good height of maybe 1.80m. =)

so we noticed each other's lonely existence and that made my lonely ride not so lonely anymore. HAHAHAHA. k, i sound really shallow and like a complete idiot. so we took the same ride to sentosa, reach the beach station and we both took a tram.. BUT TO DIFFERENT PLACES. T_T
he went to siloso and i headed to palawan. so my fate with him ends there. boo~ he's really super handsome luh.. so wasted. i should've took a photo with him since he was alone. grrr...

okay, that's not the point. went to palawan and met up with kat, ziyi, taitai, mbt and weechun. bevan, sean and cheryl came a little later so we stayed on for a little more as ziyi, taitai and weechun left for ecp. we headed to sentosa cove (bevan's home) to swim and bathe after we found it a little too boring to just sit under the umbrella (that doesn't provide any shade at all).

okay, i officially need connections to successful people to know how to earn that kinda life.
a dream home.

gosh. the houses at sentosa cove are drop dead gorgeous. i think for an average income singaporean, they need to work their whole life just to buy 1 house like that. provided they save every single cent from their salary. that means you cannot eat and you have walk to where ever. lol. i'm serious.

so as i was waiting for the bathroom to be vacant, i said to bevan "you are so lucky. you have such a beautiful house." and i thought to myself "i don't know how many lifetimes i have to work just to earn to live in a place like this".. sighs.

well, you need to strike 1st prize toto about 6 times, to buy a house there. tsk tsk. it's amazing to have been there to explore the house. now i know, it's never easy and if i want something like that, i'd have to start working my ass off now. =\ someday.. one day...

after all the bathing and make up, we headed to vivocity to eat and buy kat's shoes to enter st james. haha. i swear she's even more busy than the bouncers at st james. we went in and out the dancefloor like half of the time we were there. hahaha. but anyway, this day is exploration day.

i met : the cute caucasian guy, that dream house, the successful people, the life of the famous people in a nightspot. and to call it a day, i strolled outside vivocity alone at 5am while waiting for my bf to come pick me up after such a tiring tiring day. everything was good.

sunday.

i stayed home the whole day today and had a really long sleep. okay, nothing much to emphasize about. just that right now my old man fortune dog is trying to hump on the sofa (cus we kept all the sofa pillows). males are really such huge pervs when they're old.

well that reminds me of that uncle who was driving those 18-wheeler-alike lorry who smiled at me, then winked and then waved to me when he spotted me when my cab was driving next to him. *rolls eyes* seriously, wtf?

and and.. the live telecast of KOP comes to asia liverpool VS singapore is.. omg epic failure. i think the singaporean goalkeepers are so.... slow? i can't believe those guys can just jog, kick and score. tsk!

keith says 5:0 already giving singapore face.. but wth! the goalkeepers could've done better in defensing. eh, i sound like a male soccer fan of singapore but no, i just happened to be so bored, tripped onto chn5 and decided to cheer on the singapore team. and what were those singaporeans doing holding the liverpool fan signs!?!?! WHA LAO, utter disappointment.

it's like asking your enemy to go on, hit me in my face, it doesn't matter cus i know i will lose. right? nvm, it's all over and.. omg fernando torres is 1 sizzling hot player. but i still like david beckham. =D HAHAHAHAHA. okay that's it.

there's my update for the weekend. tmr is the day for happy pot! =) zhu's leaving for paris soon. and cath is coming back! bah~ one comes back and one leaves. grrrr..

OHOH! please be reminded that on national day 9th aug, at 8.22pm, a viral radio will be activated and the whole of singapore will be asked to say the pledge, standing where ever they are. so if you wanna avoid the awkward moment of standing in the middle of orchard road and saying the pledge, STAY AT HOME! i'm going to do it cus i'm a patriot!

it's an official thing planned by those organising the parade this year. so if you're partriotic enough, do participate. =) just spread the word so that the pledge thing will happen. it'll be one of the coolest moments if everyone thinks like me.

okay, this is getting lengthy so i'll stop here. =)
good night people! happy tomorrow! xoxo.
12:12 AM;





I'm so upset I cried early morning today.


I woke up to a slap my mom gave me (though it wasn't very hard, i was pretty damned offended cus i was sound asleep) on my face. I was out the whole night and she kept telling me "不要乱乱来". Anw, she woke me up just to ask "Why never change the bedsheet?" =.= I was so pissed i tell you.

Why in the world would i do something silly? A lot of people seriously underestimate me.

My determination to stay chaste is very strong.

But anw, that wasn't why i was upset.


Fortune came onto the bed to sleep and for the first time i didn't kick him down the bed, instead i put my pillow right beside him and laid near him. he's seriously aging..

so i imagined life without fortune..
-no barks before i leave the house
-no hilarious humping on the pillows and bolsters
-no greetings when i reach home
-no little tail wagging
-no funny sleeping positions
and the list goes on..

so i broke down. sighs.


and so i'm still restrained and impossible to break open.
11:57 AM;





Tuesday. 14th July 2009.

One of the worse days of my life.
Well.. I don't want to elaborate on the details cus i'm gonna leave it as it is.
Nothing that I will do about it, whether or not i can change it.
I'm just gonna avoid meeting that situation so i guess that's a new start for me.


Anw, it's friday today and i will be going down to the rink.
The little bit of skating last friday got me refreshed and i wanna skate again.
So i'm going to ecp early today and skate alone and feel the breeze in my hair. =)


I'm giving me a second chance. Doors are opened and i shall be spolit for choices.
The way i used to be.


Well excuse me while I get killed softly,
Heart slows down and I can hardly tell you I'm okay
At least 'til yesterday,
You know you got me off my highest guard,
Believe me when I say it's hard.
We'll get through this tonight
And I know one day you and I will be free

To live and die by our own rules,
Free..
Despite the fact that men are fools.

And I was trying to disappear,
But you got me wrapped around you
I can hardly breathe without you
I was trying to disappear
But I got lost in your eyes now,
You brought me down to size now.

I'm almost alive
And I need you to try and save me.
It's okay that we're dying
But I need to survive tonight, tonight
Tonight...

A twist in my story - Secondhand serenade.

9:52 AM;





I haven't signed into MSN for a kezillion years. The time I HAD to sign in was when I was informed by my friend that I had asked a guy friend to meet up cus I was bored and need a man. It wasn't me. My msn is being hacked. -FML

SERIOUSLY. WHO THE FUCK DOES SUCH SILLY THINGS?
FOR PETE'S SAKE, GET A GOD DAMNED LIFE. I AM SUPER PISSED.

plus, not 1 person got the message. by far i've been informed by 2 male friends.
i have 402 msn friends, 3/4 of them males, 9/10 of them whom i've never talked to, 1/2 of them whom i've never seen before, 1/4 of them whom i don't even know who the hell is and OMG...

I JUST GOT CONV FROM archdevil38@hotmail.com THAT WRITES:

jason loves cici forever says:
dear,its me,i cant log into my email,so i am using my cousin one.
jason loves cici forever says:
i using my cousin email
jason loves cici forever says:
i cant log into mine
l y n n f u ♀NOTICE: MY BLOODY MSN IS BEING HACKED. says:
o.o? you are?
jason loves cici forever says:
yur dear lo.. the one on the right.
(and then he later on invites me for a webcam..)

AND JUST FYI, MY MSN DP WAS..



AND FACT IS...
MY REAL DEAREST WAS SLEEPING BESIDE ME WHILE I WAS MSN-ING CUS I SLEPT OVER AT HIS PLACE. (?!@#$!@?!)

and there's this weird girl telling me her bf bullied her and wants to have a video call with me. -.-
sssss337@hotmail.com. i say bullshit.

so now i don't know who the hell's been messing with my msn, who're my friends on msn and who're those whom i should delete to prevent myself from being pestered.

SOMEONE SAVE ME. zzz.. I SHOULD JUST DELETE MSN.
well, if it was that easy to have done so. EURGH.. dissed.


I NEED TO SET A TRAP FOR THIS BLOODY HACKER who's using my mail to ask guys to meet me cus i need a man (to have sex with apparently).
WHY DO I NEED TO ASK FOR SEX WHEN I AM THE SEX?

bloody asshole. i hate hackers. seriously, hackers need to be brainwashed.
they've got issues. eurgh.
9:49 AM;





GOOD MORNING SUNSHINES! =D

maria: probably. haven't gone out in a big group in a very long time alr. =c depressing.
aki: YOU ORGANISE I GO! I WANT TO WATCH! I'M BACK ALR I'M BACK ALR!!
kat: we're always fine. just that i can't quite figure our status sometimes when we fight. =\
miss you luh sweets! see you tmr in the rink ok!? =D
alan/QQ: I'm fine thank you! haha. =D see you tmr ok! hugs.
anny: I AM GOING ECP THIS WEEKEND! we meet and go cycling & skating? =x hahaha.

haven't updated in a really long while and all my photos are seriously backdated and overdued. =\

well.. i'll let the photos do the talking!
HAPPY HAPPY MOMENTS!











will update more photos of my tioman trip when i upload those from my camera! =D

It seems like i've been missing for a really long time already.
A lot of things have been happening in my life.. too many things to talk about.

A brief update: Quarrelled with lucas a few days back and it made me cranky.
the tiomon trip cleared my mind plus it was great to hang out with friends who made my day.
("I'M STRONGER THAN YESTERDAY. NOW IT'S NOTHING BUT MY WAY.. MY LONELINESS AIN'T KILLING ME NO MORE.. I.. I'M.. STRONGER!")

I told mummy about it and she said 'why you say him until like that? maybe you're too dominating but you don't realise it?'
What the..? MY MOM SIDED HIM?! grrrr..
hey, i was way more dominating when i was single alright!
lucas and i talked things out (or rather i did all the talking) and we're both okay now so..
there's nothing for me to emo about anymore. =)

about my life.. i don't have the hairstyling studies to continue and i've no job..
so i've been helping out at my parents stall in bedok corner at least 3 times a week. =x
i don't feel independant enough to work outside, alone.
i don't know why but i can't imagine having to adapt to the working life when i already have fears meeting new people. HOW?
i have to learn to work for my allowance asap.
BAHH. intro some light jobs to me if possible alright people?! =) no f&b pls!
haha. and high salary is a must! heehee.

anw, i realised that life's been good to me since i've got NO NS, my parents dote on me a whole lot, i've got great friends and a stable/stagnant (means alright/boring =x) love.
Satisfiable. Haha, will update more soon. don't wanna make the post too wordy.

so see you all in the weekend i hope! =)
hugs!
8:24 AM;





No matter how much you love him, those things about him that won't change and you cannot accept, you have to give up and let go, even it pains you to do so.
- anny.

What once so deep is now so shallow.
This just fools us all.


Tis the season to be jolly~
Fah la la la laa~ la la la laa~

Anw, Happy Schooling to all the secondary school kids. =)
Please enjoy your youthful teenage years as they're the best times of your lives.

I feel so old i wanna die now.
Or maybe quickly give birth to a boy and live in a zen-insipred 3-room flat.
Just me and my son. (i love mummy's boys'. well, to a certain extent.)

I can't sleep.
My head hurts.
My back aches.
Everywhere hurts.
Everywhere aches.
I feel like shit.

ahhh. f-ed up.
6:21 AM;