SIGH*


insignificant i am.
not bother i shall.



fuck off pious world,
welcome revolting everything.
i'm not angry. i'm disappointed.
first to mention, last to be remembered.
unimportant,unoticeable and unseenable events, chuff it to us.
important, noticeable and seenable events, "ME ME, i'll do it."
INDIVIDUALITY. so much for the unity.
pissed?
you know what? I DON'T CARE ANYMORE.



I love MOM and DAD.
I love my sisters and also, jackass fortune.
I love Cat, Emily, Luvena, Sheena and Zhian. (alphabetical order)
I love myself.
I love Clement S/O mine.
I love the band alumni aka YO gang.
I love my class but to mention again, so much for the UNITY. (ignorance they gave, back to ya all.)



CRY, that's all i know i can do for everyone.
only people held close to my heart can make me cry.
and it so happens people close to my heart always make me cry.



ambiguous things are.
i'm muddled and confused.
oh, how are you? hope you're doing fine. (:
10:40 PM;





mom's better over the past few days. (x yaay! she cooked a sumptious dinner yesterday. chicken wings, this fish with an overload of bones and soup! no vegetable. hurhur- she helped me remove ALL the bones from the fish and she left all the fishballs and meatballs in the soup for me. (: i love mom. she cooked today too. bahahaha. well. she has never in many years, cooked. so this really is a HUGE DEAL to me.



I still remember the time when i quarrelled with nik and mom helped her. however, nik did not appreciate help and told her to shut up. they ended up quarrelling and i was so mad at both of them that i attempted to hurt myself, which i did. i was angry with mom because she helped nik. i was mad at nik because she shouted at mom.



when i look at the scars now, i thought i was stupid. not only are there scars, what difference would it make if i died? it wouldn't have solved any problems. explains why i cried so hard when Ramesh talked to us about our family. now the mere mention of it are making my eyes water. it wasn't a penknife, luckily. i didn't have one in my room. PHEW. i would have died! it was a pair of scissors. but scissors, scars? i expected blood and not scars. however, i did not achieve that effect. haha. stupidity can be saved. now that those scars remain, remind me it shall. life is not worth wallowing in self-pity. I live to love and I love to live. I, MAKE A DIFFERENCE. (x



I'm sorry if I've been mad at you for no reason.
I'm sorry if you're mad at me.
I'm sorry if I've been a meanie.
I'm sorry if I never appreciated and loved you.
I'm sorry if I took you for granted.
I'm sorry if I fell in love with the wrong person.
I'm sorry if I'm too flirtatious.
I'm sorry if I've been quite a bitch.
I'm sorry if I made you feel incompetent.
I'm sorry if I ran you down.
I'm sorry for whatever I've done.

I'm sorry.
8:37 PM;





my three day LOADS of motivation camp.


one word. unbelievable. just the word to describe the camp.
i've never been through so much fun yet at the same time, cry SOOOO much.
why?
this one great man RAMESH MUTHUSAMY, and woman, CHERIE LIM.
wooooh~ went through A LOT of laughters the first day as ice breaker and stuffs.
second day, to start off, cherie told us about how to study and all.. super memory and stuffs like that. but when ramesh came in, he talked about HEROES IN OUR LIVES... and then some BIOLOGY.. how an ovary looks like and how WE become US. (: as he went on, he talked about pregenancy and our moms, going through the pain to give birth to us and slowly drags into our life, that we are champions.
we were the sperm who swam and finally got into the egg and finally, resulting in us.
suddenly he started shouting at us. it was an abrupt change of tone in him. full of anger, was it us? yes, it was all planned. he talked about touchy subjects. OUR PARENTS, how we treated our parents and what were we to do if they suddenly walk away from our lives. expected, we ALL(well almost the whole theatre of people) started crying and weeping.
he made us feel SOOOOO guilty. dammit. cry cry cry. the whole of 3 hours, we were crying.
UNBELIEVABLE RIGHT?
sighs. i'll never ever forget these few days. i was crying and crying and crying.
OH OH! he told people who has anger and hatred with each other to shake hands and apologise.
told them to cherish whatever they have before they slip away.



they finally ARE FRIENDS!!! cant believe that this one sentence from him was what i was trying to knock sense into these 2 people for 3 years. BAHHHH. yaay. cant believe. still cant. bahahahaha- i know they love each other alot, AS FRIENDS.. but they just keep cheating themselves. (: YAAY. super hyper after they hugged. hurhur- then everyone started hugging and apologising and thanking each other. XD i so love hugging!!!! (x wee~


third day was still huggy, i love you mood..
at the closing ceremony, parents came and again, CRYING cum closing ceremony.
bahahaha~ dad and mom din go but i still cried. the person who made me burst into tears was alvin and marc. then.. stopped crying.. then hugged all the teachers and yes, apologise and thank them. the teacher whom i was reluctant to hug made me BURST into tears man. really. i disliked and had phobia of seeing her. she hugged and told me "you can do it, i know that and you will make it. " i just BOOM and tears started flowing. SHE? said that to me was just unbelievable~ sighs. now i realise.. how i sucked.



from my family.. to my friends.. to teachers who have faith in me..
im sorry and thank you for being there. (: i've realised my grave mistake for not achieving what i can.
I'M A CHAMPION. (: i think, therefore i am.
8:37 PM;





am i needed for the band photo-taking session??


then i think again.. not.


the bond i have with it is now left by itself to rapidly
f a d e a w a y . . .


wait, is it me?
i used to have criticisms. but now im left with not even something to say.
dont care bout me. dont talk to me. dont even bother to look at me.
is that what you're doing?
what did i say? what have i done? what is it that was seriously my fault?
i mean, i've done nothing.
i'm glad you've found him, again.
i cried.
yes, i am sad. melancholic. dejected.


should i say, what happens to me is truly what i am responsible for?
im confused and im muddled why you're doing this to me.
afterall, it's not like you're THAT great.
you're just.. gr e a t .
great? get what i mean?
well. maybe some things arent meant to be forever.
but i though friendships are forever?
not for our case i guess.
you like it like that. . .
so be it. just let it be. come what may then.
11:20 PM;





yea yea.. Lynnzay's back, back again. Lynnzay's back, tell a friend. . . !


hey hey! ima bored. feel like blogging bout:
- today's racial harmony day celebration! (: whoopeedeedoo!
- the nkf ceo who got suuuuuuueeeddd...
- 10 things i love about him.


well, today's racial harmony day was darnit FUN! wore the sari sis nic bought for me and i looked like a kid adopted by an indian family. hurhur- cat too looked like a full-fleged(?) indian. bahahaha~ well. whole class was dressed in either indian, arab or malay suit. (: WHOLE class. so much fun taking photos during the contact time. mdm sharifah rocks. muntaz and munah looked gorgeous. sheena look like thai mix indian. zhian and emily was.. well. half indian half chinese. luvena..? sexy mama. tube top with a sari aka shawl over. mm hmm. i'll upload the photos asap. cat, i DONT have a card reader. ima sorry. x(


drama class is over..
now we're gonna take a step forward to the upcoming prelims.


NKF CEO? haha~ stupid. my dad always believed that money we donate WILL NOT be in the NKF funds. instead, a portion goes to the media. a weeny portion goes to the telecom services.. and yes, the rest of it goes to "NKF". yes, that is what he says. yea, national kidney foundation..... charity? organisation? fund? nope. it just goes to national kidney foundation aka that man who owns it. YES, he's being sued. god bless you "good" souls. it's bad to cheat people's money. it's worse to cheat people's money by presenting it with a facade that it's a good deed done. dang~ [oh, come to think of it, i have the NKF card. which i must go around "begging" for money. now, i've decided to just leave it at the 4 dollars mr jared oh donated. sad to say, this 4 dollars would be in the hands of the CEO, the pocket in his blouse, the food in his stomach. but if he gets sued down to the pants he wear, haha~ poor man. you enjoyed the luxury. it's time for you to repent.] and i wonder who is that smart chap who found out this clandestine. i SALUTE him/her. you are the NKF donaters and members hero. (: thank you, hero.


10 things i love about him:

(1) the way his palms wrap around mine. the paper and stone hand hold.
(2) when he comes all the way down to my house and fetches me to school though he lives 10-minutes-walk away from my school.
(3) the sweet and glib tongue he has. (sweet is nice. mushy is eww.)
(4) his ever-so-charming smile that makes MyEyeballs melt.
(5) the way his eyes talk to mine.
(6) his tender touch,(not private parts but just hands) hugs and kisses.
(7) his oh-so-surprising surprises.
(8) the really thoughtful for-no-reason gifts and poems he made up.
(9) things he says that totally don't concern me but still interests me.
(10) just him, his calls and how he makes my day all so wonderful and perfect.


i shouldn't have met you.
you are the cause of who and what i am today.
it's you, that im still stuck here.
it's you, that i can't find no other lover.
it's you, who have lied to me.
it's you, whom i'll only forgive.
if only i had met you later, it'll be better off for me. no, it is not that i want to or i chose to think of you. but whoever i've come across, no one fulfils my wants, it's only you who achieves it. no, i don't want you back. i just need someone to replace the you, that you've deeply etched in me. BAH. i hate you, but i love you and i can't stop thinking of you. x( you're my mr perfect. but we started to early. boo~ however, i've enjoyed being with you. thank you once and for all.
you're now like a stranger. oh well~ since it benefits you. win-lose situation. so i'm the loser here. what to do what to do?



the love that lasts the longest is the love that is never returned.
since our love lasted like DAMN short.. i assume, it's the love that nobody else has received.
yaay~ now, i shall stop my love from lasting long, cuz it'll never be returned. one fine day, maybe.
7:39 PM;