even a seemingly jovial person has a bottle of sorrows.


how will anyone know of it?

if nobody speaks of it?
but even when someone does, to another it doesn't matter at all.

because he doesn't care.
not anymore.
1:23 PM;





some can be so empty-headed to how others might feel


it sometimes really doesn't pay to be nice.
if i give, you'd take.


if i don't
don't assume that it's alright to leave things left hanging
because i've had pretty much enough of it.


and i'm only two fingers spacing away from being negligently ignorant.


so tell me, somebody
if you have something to at least attend to EVERY once or twice a week
is it important to you? does it matter to you? and it's compulsory to make it a routine?


like example skating.
i have to attend to it twice a week.
it's important to me, it matters to me and it's compulsory that i follow the routine.
reasonable?

like example outings with families.
i have to attend to it once a week.
it's important to me, it matters to me and it's compulsory that i appear all the time.
makes sense?

on the contrary, shopping.
no, i don't attend to it every week.
it's not important to me, it doesn't matter and it's not compulsory to make it a routine.
get it?


so if such a event to someone that he/she has to
make it a habit of being there all the time
it's IMPORTANT, it MATTERS, and it has become compulsory right?


when it happens he/she becomes totally empty-headed towards his/her surrounding people. about how they'd feel to find him/her missing for something else because he/she is attending to his/her habitual event..

if the person was apologetic, maybe there's a reason to excuse him/her.
but what if he/she wasn't at all, fought to go with it and becomes nonchalant towards the 'atrocious' matter time and again?

the event mattered more than his/her surrounding people(friends, family) right?
that he/she cared more for this event than EVERYTHING else right?


tell me about it.
it's time someone made a reflection of it.
7:28 AM;






5:06 AM;





sometimes, i don't think it matters anymore.
if humans really are persistent on realizing what matters to them
they, would be the paralympians.


saw a few clips of the paralymics and the participants pushing themselves to earn some priceless respect. people who can join are those who are handicapped, like missing a leg or two, a hand or two, deaf, mute, blind or those who have a disorder of down syndrome. they of course have their olympics too, the paralympics.

it was really awe-inspiring, to have seen these clips and it got me thinking, i'm an ordinary and normal person, yet i lack all the ambitions they have. they were blinds who could play football. how would anyone know where would the ball be? that's really an incredible feat. Ronaldhino would've broke other people's legs if someone were to make him play football blindfolded.

the type of training these paralympians go through just to be a part of it. Sharp hearing to know where the ball rolls, memorising the position they are in to score the goal in the correct place, intuitively avoid all those incoming opponents.. if you say Ronaldhino is damn good, these paralympians are probably god-like.

i saw a man who had no hands and ONLY ONE LIMB. and guess what, he's a swimmer. tell me what would michael phelps do if he only had one limb? i'm sorry to put all those awesome well-known and idolised people's names as examples but i think these paralympians should deserve more fame than these idols. does anyone even bother watching paralympics? olympics are over, but the paralympics aren't. i think mediacorp didn't do them any justice either, they cut off a lot of the paralympics and only provided the top few finalists clips.

paralympics didn't quite interest me at first too but after those clips where they showed the paralympians crying for joy when they won, wild hand and body gestures of exclamation and such made me change my mind totally. they are afterall humans, a little less-abled than i am but their lives are so much more worthy than mine. they achieved much more than anybody else by pulling through the hardship of being a less-abled person and one with more competitive drive.

lucas and i were discussing, like if we made ourselves handicapped and we participate luh! but then again, if i were handicapped, i would be one of those wanting to end their lives. being handicapped means you're incapable of doing some other things that your body lacks of. i'd be incapable of skating if i lost one leg. i can't see my beautiful friends if i was blind. you know..

sometimes we aren't thankful enough for what was given to us. and at times some make others feel how awful their life is despite the gifts in life they were bestowed with. so maybe these people have to see other more pitiful people to understand that life isn't as unfair as they made it up to be. you reap what you sow. so if you think life isn't great, you made it that way. everything you have is paid for (body & brains), if you don't learn to use it, then good luck and continue the misery you're in. stop giving excuses of self-pity and make others feel bad for you. you live the life you mould, others are not at fault for what you do to yourself.

actions lead to reactions. and it always takes 2 hands to clap.

so i say, i don't think it matters anymore. people who aren't eager as keeping me as a friend shall remain at that.

i'm sleepy, shouldn't have made myself stay up.
GOODNIGHT. i'm gonna sleep.
6:05 AM;





Friday-

went over to marcus's birthday chalet at around 12am.

felt pretty remorseful when people told me that everyone else were skating their asses off when i wasn't there for training.. ): another competition will be up in 90days and the intense training will start all over again. sighs, i'm not as competitive as before because my drive to beat the others isn't there anymore. i'm probably more happy being a cheerleader now because i like to encourage others and see them perform well. but instead, i should be the one to be encouraged and motivated. BLAA~ how ironic.

but anw, that isn't the point. marcus's chalet was pretty uhm.. how do i say it.. a casual gathering. but luckily, it wasn't wasted because at the end, most of the old birds left later so before everyone left, we went to have mac's breakfast. (: it's been a pretty long time since these people sat down together and had a meal. i can remember the group of skaters who went out for movies till morning, spend the night out at wherever-we-would-be playing murderer. skaters like wilsonI, wilsonII, sky, gavin, brandon, lucas, amanda, donna and i were poking fun about a drunk friend sleeping beside the trashbin. NAME NOT REVEALED!! have to protect the privacy of this person. :l

i don't know. i just felt that i had to talk about it because the feeling's really nice. and maybe, i do have to agree, days with the old birds are different. well, we had a good time laughing. and it's funny because everyone was sulky and tired when we were at the chalet. it doesn't make a point of 'celebrating' marcus's birthday with him in the chalet because most of the skaters who didn't drink were left un-entertained. but anw, lucas and i did buy drinks as a form of appreciation for him holding a 'party' because going there empty-handed would make me feel bad. afterall, it's his birthday, no presents, at least something that he'll need right? oh well.


KAT, MY JAW GOT OR-CHEI! ):
yesterday i hit my jaw on kat's head, now it hurts. boo. i don't want my jawline to be bigger!! NOOOOO.

ah! i'm quite late already, got to go now.
I GO FEAST ALREADY! i'm starving!!


(: take care people!
6:28 PM;





whee! uploaded new skin, edited and modified it myself!
i think i visited myself 30 over times already! ROAR.
fonts are finally BIG & CLEAR! yay. ;D
i'm happy because i made it pretty, it wasn't just totally copied and pasted.
i'm a smart girl!

btw, this is my new keyboard! :l WAIT, let me redeem myself.
i'm not exactly a huge kitty fan.. but this was only 15bucks and i needed a new kb.
it looks quite pretty and it's USABLE. that's all i needed. (:
i'm not hello kitty fan okay. please..

PINK! wha, so not me.
and and, HELLO KITTEN! ;D

saw it en route to IC shop. it was desperately mewing for it's parents. and it was hiding in the bushes because it was raining. so poor thing.. ): oh well.

i have a sudden urge to keep small pets. maybe a chinchilla or guinea pig. hmm. oh well. can't think too much since i got a jealous dog that'll bite anything small that moves.

and I AM GOING TO USE ANNY'S METHOD. buy a stuffed toy for the dogs to hump. GRRR. i've changed my pillowsheets 5 times already. totally, grossed out. yucks. lucas has a video of fortune humping the bolster. -.- i can't be bothered to show it, i'm really, really very disgusted.
7:36 AM;





BLOGGER SUCKS.

dumb shit won't post my entry with my desired fonts.
bloody hell!

the previous post.. PAISEH AH.
the font quite small and difficult to read. :l sorry sorry.
4:07 AM;





sometimes i wonder

what has really been going on in people's lives, what are they doing, what have they been up to, are they too busy for me, can they entertain me for a bit when i'm bored and stuffs like that. i do realise i am always devoted to one thing for a period of time. and by saying that, i only have time for one thing. that means skating, dancing, school, person, friend or whatever that i'm interested in.

i went through my old phone, i saw messages from old friends from TP, temasek, maple and there were many of which that were birthday wishes, christmas greetings, new year greetings or just simple good-morning-have-a-nice-day-ahead messages. so many people that would previously do such a thing for me, wouldn't anymore, i believe.

i'm sorry because i'm quite ignorant, quite take things for granted, quite self-centred, quite negligent, quite stupid and quite an ass for a human. i don't realise and regret only until i finally see what's going on with other people's lives, how come they never seem to miss me, they never call me out, they never cared about what's with me until they need me.

i don't actually know what i'm busy with too. maybe i'm busy watching tv, busy sleeping or busy stoning. yea. possibly. probably. maybe.

these days, nobody really bothered to call me anymore. because i suck.
truth be told, i can hardly remember anyone's birthday except for those super close ones. for new year and christmas holidays, i hardly do send messages out to greet anyone because yea, you get the message even without receiving it. it's new year, everyone knows it! so that being said, i really do take things for granted, very much. ):

and sad to say, that makes me such an unpleasant being. i used to be so much cared for, so amiable and bubbly. now? don't tell me, i know it, already.

maybe if i change my ways of sloth things would be the same as before. but i think it's too late. everyone has found new friends to hang out with. everyone has a new best friend. everyone has their own things to do and are "too busy".

i fear rejection but at times i do it to people. i really think it's karma. it's coming back to me. ): sighs. what to do, i think i have to make up for my negligence now. i must repent.

it's quite miserable to live with a phone with no incoming messages or calls. it's only that 1 same person that you devote your time to that puts the same much devotion to you. and it's getting too out of hand. i need to bring myself out of it.

my mother said to me, "so what? you gonna give the rest of your life to one person? what if separation comes into the picture?" then i thought, i'd probably be depressed, because i'd have nothing. no friends, no mate, no money, no life, nothing to devote to and plenty of time. hmm. i think i need to turn tables.


saw things that triggered memories and told me that my friends are all leaving me.. boo. ): sucks to be lynn sometimes.

4:00 AM;





why is the inline culture forum down!?! ):

anw, testing my new keyboard. hahaha. :b yay, i love it. ;D
take a photo of it soon! ;x k, gotta go!


loveeeeeeeeeeee!
10:58 PM;





for a week, i've failed to update..

oh well, i've been sick for a few days already. fortunately, i'm recovering from whatever i was suffering from. hmm. that includes a flu, cough, sore throat, fever and cold. aiya, these things always comes in a package. what to do, my strong-but-not-so-strong immune system have to go according to the haywire weather. i thought i was getting tonsillitis infection BUT, i didn't. drinking plenty of water helped. so those whom i exclaimed they'd be getting the infection gets the infection, not me ah, i haven't got it.

oh, despite being sick, i turned up for the isetan sales. ;D call me obasang but hey, there were things that you see selling in online blogshops, bugis street and even topshop and forever21 sold in isetan luh! i never liked shopping but since i saw things that i wanted to buy in the brochure, i went shopping for the first time in the year. eh, no, the last time i shopped was january for new year clothes. oh, second time of the year then. whatever luh. that's what i did for the week, shopping and.. more shopping at istean.

like i said already, some are so afraid of how others might see them, then go on, shop in topshop, forever21 and whatever-expensive-shops-there-are and waste your money when you can actually find the exact replica of the item in other places. like a lot of people, holding a 1000SGD over LV wallet (whether authentic or not), but inside it, not even sure got 2SGD or not. what for go through the trouble of making a rich tai tai out of yourself when inside you know that shopping in this fashion is your league.

now i'm fussing over those who can't seem to find their own personality and instead making a persona for the people the world over to see. if i do phrase this wrongly, email me. if you're so busy making yourself a ______-alike (insert celebrity or idol's name), worry not, i will not tell anyone that i have already found you out. those who don't seem to realise will just probably live your lie forever. so continue to portray yourself with nothing but ctrl+a, ctrl+x, ctrl+v. congratulations, you made you a twin. good luck.

aiyo, so bored. days are flashing pass. i'm so wasting my time. anw these photos are taken when i'm still recuperating from my diseases. my boyfriend sponged me, fed me tablets and made me laugh. and so i found out, laughter really is the best medicine.


3:29 PM;