holler at me if you wish to. i'm to be blamed.



i can't go on. i'm breaking down. everything's a problem. YOU, you, YOU and all of YOU. but.. I'M STRONG. i'd cry for one day, and the next day, i'd be alright. everything's cool and so i say.



solitare, i play.
i'm lonely, standing solo for i know.
i'm neglected, rejected, feeling so dejected.
i'm forlorned.
i live to wallow in self-pity after all i've done.
i took it for granted.
and now, i regret.
it's me, yes, it has been me all along.



thanks to my 5 darlings. thanks for being so patient with me regardless the tantrums i threw. now that i've deserved what i've done, please don't ever evER EVER do that again. i've lost it all. everything.. him, the band.. i don't wish to lose you, my crony.


members of the temasek wind ensemble, SYF, listen up. i don't wish to complain. it's useless, EVERYONE is taking the YOUR side. duh~ i am STUPID. i am just ONE FUPPED SEC 5 ARSEHOLEY NORMAL ACADEMIC STUDENT FROM THE OH-SO-WONDERFUL TWE. no? saddening. even mr chooi says so. "what? they don't care about you? oh.. that is so sad.. oh gosh. that is really SO sad..-smilestomewithsympathy-" tell me, WHO IN THE SYF BAND BOTHERS READING THIS ANYWAY? i mean.. other than my beloved vic?!?!?!



"for us, the performance band people, band is simply a waste of time. there is absolutely nothing much to practise."
"that time i , her and her(names not mentioned) cried because of this."
"FUCK LA. and so its our fault that they left us with nothing to do? and he scolded us for that. FUCK IT."
"eh, you not performing for speech day meh? i thought you in performance band why never play?"
NO, these aren't from me. i've said enough. it's up to the rightful people to look into this matter. it's apparent that the band has drifted apart. i can see the line clearly drawn between PEFORMANCE BAND SYF BAND . yes, the line proves that "YOU ARE NOT UP TO IT -looksaway-AND THEY ARE AWESOME *bounces*" well, get my hint someone?!
11:43 PM;





29th of march, it's mommy's birthday. bought her a bouquet of flowers from this really nice auntie at roxy square.. c: whilst walking along all the fake "real" katong laksa, all those aunts were like "wah, thankIEW thankIEW, you shouldn't have been so nice to buy flowers, you should have just visited me." (in chinese) HAHA- right. then still have this uncle just reach his hands out and CLAIM "thanks, it's for me." what's up with holding a bouquet of flowers? i'm bewildered by why guys are always so embarrassed to hold a bouquet of flowers.. but NOW, i understand. c: i LOVE flowers. and i MISS having them..




i wish.. i want.. i've had.. but i lost..
heard that from her.. but i wasn't that all melancholic. i'm happy for you! yaay- finally you've found new love. and i'm still stuck.. in nostalgia. haha-*
love of my life, you've hurt me..
you opened my heart, and now you leave me..
dazed and shattered now it hurts..
haven't i always loved you?
but since you've been gone..
i walk alone..




but i'm being held back by the past. everything is so fast for me to actually catch a gasp of fresh air. wellos. i'd have to live life the way it SHOULD be. i'm a studious lil nerd. wait, how'd far would you believe in that?! haha- btw, brought my flute home and realised it isn't mine. my flute is 13451. but the flute inside my case is 13491, which is tallie's. someone explain to me why MY flute is misplaced? i could tell that wasn't my flute just by one glance. the feeling is different too. someone, please, figure this out. i don't like other flutes, apart from those pretty yamaha 9 series and sankyo flutes. c: weeheehee-



i still love everthing about everyone. but why are they doing this to me? i'm all chuffed aside, negelcted, ignored, rejected, feeling dejected. they say they understand to how i'm feeling.. but truth be told, no one has seen this from MY point of view. i'm really disappointed. all of you ganged up on me. i'm small, i suck and all. people do give their fuckshits at points of time don't they? YOU too. i NEED to be pampered and spoilt, and that's the way i've been brought up. if you WANT to do something, please do the soft approach on me. i'm fire, don't play fire with fire. it's nearing, all i can do is give my wishes. best of luck.


"EH!!! i eat my mucus! so salty! I LIKE!!! (with enthusiasm)" HER name shall remain anonymous.
she TRIED eating her boogus too, thinking that she'd die after eating it. OMG. -dropsdead- how can anyone be so pretty yet so dumb?!




sometimes, i feel so stupid. by loving every single friend so whole-heartedly does not make a diffference at all. cuz nobody seems to care bout me. neither does any of my family members. cat, seriously, if either of us were to commit suicide, it had to be me. my life is full of sorrowful thingies. like you say, i love every single person so much i never really did emphasize the LOVE on only that group of people i hang out with the most. and now that i realise, everything's going awry. i admit, i suck balls and nuts. but for corn's sakes, just SHOWER your love at me can? i feel so unloved, which apparently is the truth. just fucking tag my fucking board if you fucking read my fucking blog. i hate to be hated. i hate hatred. i hate hate. i hate to be blamed. i hate to be alone. i fucking hate the things i hate.



I HATE MYSELF.
8:59 PM;





oh my oh my. how can i forget! i getting on years alr.

YES, i wanted to blog about THIS PARTICULAR primary school friend sheena has. he seems pretty interesting to me..

well, what about him? he's indian, no, that's not the point.
he eats pencil leads. he breaks them into halves and starts chewing on them. and when he chew halfway, he sticks his tongue out and shows the kids around him the chewedpencilleads. YUCK.

wait, that's NOT all.

besides eating pencil leads, he takes those eraser shavings and pencil shavings and put it into his water bottle(yes, filled with water), shakes them ALL TOGETHER so that it becomes a good mixture of water,eraser shavings and pencil shavings... and.. yes, you guessed it.
HE DRINKS THEM.
hurhur.
interesting classmates sheena has back in elias park primary.
ok, report news is OVER..
ehuck. S I C K .
11:25 AM;





whoopeedeedoo!- just came back from town.. hur. went with cat and sheena. we just realised we haven been going out for eons. and that? a GOOD sign, for us O level students. c: we are so deprived of chilling out, shopping and all. we went cine to watch spongebob squarepants.. WHAT A SHOW.. haha~ and patrick really reminds me of Kennth Lim Han Leong. so shallow and retarded. HURHURHUR-imitatespatrick- nothing much really happened yesterday apart from seeing the OH-VERY-GORGEOUS Jamie Yeo and Daniel Ong. hahaha~ some coke-can-decoration competition.. erm.. OH! ON TOP OF THAT, my pumps became char chat. my left pump ribbon dropped. :c and it looks obnoxious. SO PATHETIC!!! eurgh. like.. nobody even stepped on my shoe or what and it just came off. HOW NICE. tsk. but eventually, we walked back to where i might have dropped it and found my pathetic ribbon on the floor. :l bah. i bought a new pair pumps anyway. :s i am sucha spendrift. i think i have like.. 4 pairs of pumps, 4 pair of shoes for school, 3 pairs of sandals and.. i share shoes with my sisterS. haha. WOO~ so many many shoes to wear. XD

going skating tmr. i've developed a thing with skating. PARTLY because of him but the paramount reason is because I WANT TO BE A GREAT SKATER. Xb then i'd teach my lil kids how to do all those OMG-it's-SO-cool stunts. but all in all.. i STILL suck at it. :c wait, studies first.. grrr.. people who loves skating can join me.. every sunday at ECP. hey, this is a form of exercise+leisure. must exercise at least once a week to keep fit! enough said.

till next time people.
10:08 PM;





i've decided NOT to put too much time into doing stuffs SO relentlessly that will not work out.

thusfar, i've learnt
"the greatest thing, one will learn in life, is NOT to love and NEVER be loved in return.."
how sweet? cuz you know what? the person who i am in love with will never love me and the people who loves me, will never make me be IN love with them. getit? no? haha~ yea, i'm upset/depressed/hurt/wounded/stabbed/dejected/crestfallen/heavy-hearted/in the doldrums but.. RARRGH. and so i've straightened my thoughts. cat sure will be happy to hear this. I THINK. c: i think i'll become feminist and lesbian. haha~ i'm jabbering, don't mind me.

no man's ever worth a woman's tears. LALA~ farhana & cat don't cry for them anymore.
men and women both cry. when a man crys, his tears come from his eye ducts.
but when a woman crys, her tears come from her heart. HAHA~
my heart's flooded and so are my lungs. OH WELLOS. as though anyone would ever be able to repair my pipes. no. no one.

i'm supposed to live on life to the fullest. i'm not wasting anymore time. it's my O levels see. O levels puhlease. the word STRESS is all over me.

OMG, the karang guni man just walked pass and chanted like a monk. :s

let me teach YOU(whoever you are) a neologism.
demagogue: person who wins support by appealing to popular feelings and prejudices. demagogic, adj demagogy, n
COOL HUH!!! like, never even seen this word before.

bah.. if someone had to save me from this misery, it could only be _______. (fill in the blanks) ROY, help. i need to bite someone.
CAT, i need to lie on your 'chest'. -burstsoutlaughing- c:



bruised and battered by ur words dazed and shattered now it hurts havent i always loved u?
10:13 AM;





PEOPLE of 5Upperclass

SCREAM!!!! hahaha~ i finally finished uploading all the photos. overjoyed? overjoyed not?! hees. ok, there were 198 photos. hmmm.. and the root gallery is http://cheerfuloner.mypicgallery.com k? so far there are only photos of my class. bah. photobucket only allows free users to put up a maximum of 25mb of photos. hmpf! so now, i have TWO different galleries instead of one. roar.

most of the photos are taken by me.
some of them cat..
and models-in-the-making photos are courtesy of roy.. XD
heh heh. sweet.

i'll put the link up. c:
till next time.
4:21 PM;





today our school had our sports meet with ngee ann, dunman high and chung cheng. well, as usual, we got the least prizes and yea, we won the cheer competition.. and thanks to munah, faezah, shahul, marc, cat and i, we were all screaming our lungs out. from the beginning, it was only cat, munah and i. not so much of faezah. :b heh. emily made an attempt in the end, but she couldnt memorise the competition cheer. love emily to bits and pieces. she has been the one talking to me so far. haha. oh wells. as i was saying,.. it won't be surprising if people thought that i was either demented or disgraceful. cuz none of 'em were actually cheering at all. so much for a "GOOD" school. no one was even cheering for the competitors. - -ll i was screaming shouting jumping, gleefully hoping that we could win. whilst the rest was sitting, eating chips, fanning themselves, playing CHESS, shunning the sun.. and so on so forth. what is wrong with the bond in this school now? i've been experiencing really bad situations of late. it just pisses me of that WE'RE actually senior, we're the HYPERactive one, and the juniors are trying to act OH-SO-they'renot COOL. EURGH. it doesn't matter if i stand in front of the whole school, reprimanded by the teacher, cuz i know i did no wrong. afterall, he did apologise for being hot-tempered. it WAS embarrassing but still, i don't find it disgraceful, i stood up. WE DIN DO WRONG.

*if ALL of YOU find me a disgrace, and ALL of YOU care is 'face', you are your own biggest disgrace.
(getit?) i'm implying that since you all care about this thing called "MIAN ZHI" indirectly translated as face, you know FACE.. you are a disgrace cuz you're U G L Y . inside out, outside in. still don't get it? NEVERMIND. dumb.

about band, i don't wanna speak anymore. i shall remain mum and keep my lambastes to myself. if THAT is what makes you HAPPY. while i be my gay self. satisfied? good. or so i assume, everyone hates me. you know what? i care no more. i've given up that lil ray of light in that long tunnel. i surrender. NOW, i dread having band. ME?!?! LYNN FU XUAN LIN, dreads B A N D ? yes, this is the first in your entire life you're hearing this. haha~ it's not like anyone cares. maybe it is just ME. but my expectations of what my band gives me is what i've given and put into it. and he says " band is a cca where all the fucked up and gay people go to", i argued back. c: but eventually, agreed. HAHA~ if i was still sec 3, i'd hate HIM forever and NOT talk to him lo.
i'm childish and immature. whatever you like to say. i'm still afterall me.
how high have you an authority does not matter to me. i'm still senior, and ought to save me some respect. i might not be be important in any way but remember, if you hate me, i detest and abhor you. XD
your presence and absence does not matter to me at all. you think vice versa, wait, who cares?! @*#!^$%*$@!

*we are at it again, but i really dont care anymore. you've never trusted me ever since you THOUGHT i let the cat outta the bag. truth be told, i never did (the cat died in the bag). you trust him more than you ever did trust me. dumb.

till next time.
WAIT!!!!!
5U-pperclass/berglam/nity, i HAVEN'T finish uploading the photos. million apologies! i'll get it done soon. but SOME of the photos are up. around 50 of 'em. mostly is MY own pictures though. hahaha~ http://cheerfu.mypicgallery.com. k? c: make do with it. will put up the chalet photos SOON SOON SOON. :b
12:16 AM;





OH GOODNESS GRACIOUS! i just realised we took ALOOOT of photos at the chalet. we have taken around 200 photos, including the algae cat took. haha, that's not the point. wait, i haven added the MUSIC IS IT photos. so i have 200 ODD photos to upload. G R E A T . don't blame me, i'm vindicated. this computer will take EONS to finish submitting the photos into my photobucket. c: so maybe, i might take forever to finish uploading. it's not like the reader is not here anymore. there's just too many photos to be uploaded. the first set of 15 is in my bucket already. now waiting for the second set of 15. haha. i MIGHT finish tmr morning at 6 when i am supposed to meet cat. hello?! 200 PLUS. first time in my 16 years of life, i've taken SOOOO many photos. not that EVERY picture consists of me. hahaha~ S H E is so narcissistic. HAHAHA~ Xb its not like a bad thing but YAH. c: don't get angry HOR. it's just my humble opinion. ok? ROY, farhana, cat, sheena, syafiq, HAPPY? i finally am uploading the photos. i am elated, cant wait to change my VERY outdated friendster photos. yaay! i like the photos roy took, cat took while i acted emo.. SO MANY! c: wee~ fun fun fun. remember, http://www.photobucket.com . id: cheerfuloner , password: password. done? you guys can happily copy and paste. seriously, i have NO time and brains on HOW to attach it on mail then send. really. i'm a COMPUTER idiot. only in computer wise. lalala~ happy viewing the HAPPY photos, styled photos, emo photos(farhana,cat) , SPASTICATED photos, ugly photos (me, MYSELF and i) and lastly, the sceneric photos!!! farhana says it looks like australia, those sunny photos. c: we were there, that's why we made it such a FANTABULOUS place. -nudgenudge- right? c: farhana, sheena, luvena, Zhian, all of you are so pretty. cat and emily, BELIEVE me, you girls ARE pretty. while I am the plain jane(not cat). SEE-RI-OUS. lalala~

ok, currently, i finished uploading 79 pics!!! WOO HOO!~ -claps-
next batch of 19 still submitting. sorry, i DON'T know how to ZIP the photos. just be glad that i am.. UPLOADING already. c:

PROBLEM!!!!
my photobucket can only store 25mb of photos. FRIGASS. hello?! ok, so i can only store the 79 photos in there out of the many 200 odd we have. HOW HOW HOW? solving problem with cat. i will update AGAIN.. when the problem is solved.

BYE....
8:46 PM;





woo~ow.

one week passed in a glimpse. well.. as usual.
went skating at the hockey court on friday. made new friends. XD with the lil primary 1 and 2 kids. man.. i wish i was young again! tsk. hahaha~ there was one boy-zheng jie, and three girls- lynn(!!!), sharlene and man yu. hahaha~ sooo fun. i feel so young yet so old while playing ice and water with 'em. zhengjie was 'ice', he tried to 'freeze' man yu. and what happened was man yu fell, followed on by zhengjie, he opened his legs and poof~ he did a split. then he started whining. his balls were hurt. then he got up, tried to act as if everything was ok. and he told me "next time i should listen to my mother. she told me, 'whatever happens, DON'T open/spread your legs'." hahaha~ kids nowadays. SO cute. can't take it. i can't elaborate well on what happened.. it sounds kinda -fingerinthethroat,tonguesticksout, facescrunchedup- . oh well. imma bad story-teller. :c saddening.

YES, it's sunny sunday today!!! what? i haven done ANY of my homework. hello? mon-wed was chalet, thursday was chemistry, friday and saturday band. sunday homework?!?! MY BIG FAT ASS! my blog is getting a lil TOO dusty.

temasek's becoming a neighbourhood school. or'd rather 'temasek school of junk'. c: seriously. it's thanks to people like YOU, YOU and Y O U that our school is becoming a SAI school.

'temAsek sec [saii. puipuipui] books gottA get out of my wAy. ii hAte studying. zzz`'
'bks sux sehh .. dun lyk to readd lehhs .. sho siians derhhs .. iif ii readd bkss .. elephant can cliimb tree lerhhss ..'
'temasek sec.*sai sch- i dont lyk books. i hate studying! wher moii dear dear lo0king at?`'

`-hate her or love her. she dont give a fucking damn.`
one sentence for you (like you'll ever read my blog anyway)
"if you do give a damn, there'd be too many damns for you to give.
many used to love you, much hates you"

these people are random picked. but there should be more of these revolting drags in the school. they USED to be in band. but according to MY logic and theory, they are not good enough to be considered a tWemasekian. one of them from SJAB. -YAWNS- hahaha~ sheena, you've always known how i felt about your cca. :x oh wellos. its no wonder why they hate studying/reading. they're brains are too occupied with they laoogong or in correct words, boys. miishin euu iin the darrk, lubb euu, thiinkiin of EUU (eww) . those transexuals who said "teacher never teach them not to anyhow stare at people, only teach them HOW(?) to fuck and throw their babies down the stairs" are them. c: so young and naive. what to expect? they've got P U N Y brains. yall've ruin the reputation of women. it's YOU people that i'm ashamed of. i don't read, i don't like reading, but that doesn't mean books sucks. crapass. i'm so nonsensical. why am i talking bout them anyway? it's not like they'll repent and realise they're a drag to the school/community/society/country. see how much it links? haha~ godarnit. i'll give fuckass up.

TEMASEK SECONDARY SCHOOL IS OFFICIALLY (to me, at least) :
temasek school of JEOPARDY (it l o o k s like a good school, honestly, not quite)

anyhows, i don't know how `fat` got to find out about THIS blog.. but.. you pple can read if you CAN stand/take reading his blog. http://www.dickchan.blogspot.com . it's unpukealivable what he does as a 'job'. sickening. what more, he is a university student.

"LOOK WHO'S TALKING" -imitatesroy- okok, i admit, i talk too much.
i love bennyclar. not platonically, in the normal way. c:
ooo~ it's LATE!
till next time.
1:51 PM;





alas, i'm back from the class chalet. XD wee~ the class chalet rocked. it was less organised than expected but, the chalet was so huge i wouldn't complain much. (changi aloha chalet A, 34 netharavon road) hees.. i wanted to go for the band camp.. BUT, i din make it. if i went, i wouldnt be with zat and all.. cuz i am still part of twe, i'd be with the (eurgh) juniors.
anyhows, the chalet was fun. we did loadsa silly stuffs. and we made NEW friends. our ONE day neighbour(who were there for 5 days 4 nights) mokhsein and ahmad. haha~ they brought us(cat,zhian,naif and me) to changi willage area and we were pretty shocked to see the transexuals a.k.a 'bahpo'. all of em were scattered along the walkpaths and carparks, seen wearing revealing clothes showing their voluptious(correct?) and comely figure. all of em were at least a C cup mind you! i dont despise them at all. but i'm quite grossed out. hahaha~ i was looking at all the sly men driving around the carparks looking for "THE ONE" to do it with em. MEN AND MEN? abit wrong though. gays are perfectly fine. but.. rarrgh. difficult to explain. but oh well.. its those sly men i despise. eurgh. SICK. most of them do it in the car. blaggh.
oh ya. he's telling me bout the confidence walk. about how the bandits thought it was "NOT SCARY" and all. hey, you know what? if it wasnt scary, HOW BOUT TRY WALKING AND TOURING THE WHOLE SCHOOL ALL BY YOURSELF? we shall do that next year aiite? and that FUPPED baritone saxophonist who rated the walk a pathetic 1/10, dont be too UP UP and AWAY. i'll rate you a dejecting -1/10 for your "COOLNESS". and your looks, a realistic -3/10. actually, i'm being quite lenient already. c: i'm so nice right. i know. tsk. can't take it.


oh ya. you look like shit, you act like shit and you ARE shit.
(quote quote by farhana)
how bout that?


i shall upload the photos SOON. ASAP. i want the photos ALSOOOOOOOOOO... but my sister has the reader, but it's at HER house. which means.. i have to WAIT till she brings the reader over to our house. tsk. and that.. can take almost forever! oh my.. ok. dont complain. not my fault. c:

till next time!
5:21 PM;





MUSIC is (NOT) it.

pathetic. that's all i'd say for that 'concert'. the decorations were crap, the organising was crap times two and the av stuffs was crap times three. the "PERFORMERS" were crap times an infinity. apart from performances by force vomit(the drummer likes me) , ephyra, shades of black, X-fusion.. all those special guests. and the st patricks band.. they rocked. orry is hell good a singer but i don't fancy him in a way like those.. OMG girls who went gaga over him and started screaming like hell. tsk tsk tsk. oh YAH! ryan (beatbox) WOO! amazing. nothing more to say. at least he perked me up with his performance. but overall it was pretty much a disappointing concert.
on top of that, he left.. when the concert was about to end. that made me 'lovesick' (according to roy) and a frigging drunk who din drink. i was out of my mind. i did stuffs that.. i don't know.. that might piss people off. or rather, not quite appropriate for a decent girl like me. HAHA~ rarrgh. i wasn't pissed with him. i was DEPRESSED, hurt.. that's why i din bother to say anything and walked away. i'd start tearing if i did. but when i did.. he couldn't be much more bothered with me, cuz i pissed him off (according to cat). well well.. maybe i did piss him off with my attitude. SORRY darlings!
the dressing of these uncool people.. acting PUNK/HIPHOP.. HAHA~ you know what? they looked like shit. is that a trend now? only my babes dressed so gorgeously. he dressed really nicely too. c: and so did he. and he. hahaha~ (roy, ONE of the he is you. honoured not?) woo~ we don't suit any genre. haha~ but we looked GREAT. and we din overdo it like.. *ahem* veronica. punk? my big fat ass.
i looked pretty. WOW! for the first time i thought i looked pretty. made an extremely hard attempt to look great but not overdo it. c: OH YAH! next year's concert, i will perform a dance with him. HAHAHA~ he chose me as his partner for learning latin dance!!! woo hoo!~ hahaha. if we do latin dance together, we'll definitely win! but he might drop me. i'm too heavy, for him. haha.. :c we wont be together, but we're good friends. I'VE STRAIGHTENED OUT MY THOUGHTS, at last. but, i still like him ALOOOT.. c: wait until i find a BETTER man? oh whatever. save those crap.
thanks roy, for letting me bite you. XD I LOVE YOU MOST! and sorry too. hope it din hurt alooot. :s i'll upload the photos ASAP. kkk?!
thanks cat for telling me how he felt. at least that made me realise i was pretty much in the wrong too.
thanks helmy for being my back up! HAHAHA~
of course i'd wanna thank him for coming. at least he made an effort to come.
well.. if that concert wasn't so fupped, we wouldn't be pissed off with each other. fupped concert. S T U P I D ! eurgh. pissy concert. BOO.. sec 4s organising shuck.



*photos will be uploaded ASAP KKK?!?!___ __ _
10:11 AM;





Hymn To Love(by Lascelles Abercrombie)

We are thine, O Love, being in thee and made of thee, As thou, Love, were the déep thought And we the speech of the thought; yea, spoken are we, Thy fires of thought out-spoken: But burn’d not through us thy imagining Like fiérce mood in a song caught, We were as clamour’d words a fool may fling, Loose words, of meaning broken. For what more like the brainless speech of a fool,— The lives travelling dark fears, And as a boy throws pebbles in a pool Thrown down abysmal places? Hazardous are the stars, yet is our birth And our journeying time theirs; As words of air, life makes of starry earth Sweet soul-delighted faces; As voices are we in the worldly wind; The great wind of the world’s fate Is turn’d, as air to a shapen sound, to mind And marvellous desires. But not in the world as voices storm-shatter’d, Not borne down by the wind’s weight; The rushing time rings with our splendid word Like darkness fill’d with fires. For Love doth use us for a sound of song, And Love’s meaning our life wields, Making our souls like syllables to throng His tunes of exultation. Down the blind speed of a fatal world we fly, As rain blown along earth’s fields; Yet are we god-desiring liturgy, Sung joys of adoration; Yea, made of chance and all a labouring strife, We go charged with a strong flame; For as a language Love hath seized on life His burning heart to story. Yea, Love, we are thine, the liturgy of thee, Thy thought’s golden and glad name, The mortal conscience of immortal glee, Love’s zeal in Love’s own glory.

what a poem! -claps- woohoo!~ so abstruse. i'll never make this kinda poetry.
1:19 AM;





hello. ok, now for my personally typewritten post. hahaha~ i was TOO lazy to blog bout cuthbert. but i wanted people to know about what happened. so people don't mind me copying and pasting yea.. c: sorry sorry...
Yesterday-
i went to the temple with my parents. i clinched onto my mum's arm. she started the conversation.. (in chinese)
mum: hmm.. now you hold me, next time you have your own wings, you wont do this anymore.
me: NO, i'll always do this as long as i want to. (age doesnt matters)
mum: hahaha~ we'll see.
me: but when i was primary 3, you said the exact same thing that i'll "fly" when i reach primary 6. but what now? i am sec 5. c;
mum and i: *smiles*
i love my dad and mum. and of course my two sisters who pampers me loads. c: love 'em LOADS. i wont say it's a happy family.. but.. i'm more than satisfied having them. apart from not having THAT much money. but come what may, they are mine. everybody loves my parents. even yilin says my dad and mum are so nice. so "awkward". hees.. XD
and, mummy bought this prettyblack buddhist prayer beads for me! i'm gonna treasure it REAL well. and it breaks, i will know something happened in my family. that is the spell i've put under the prettyblackbeads. HAHAHA~ right.. - -ll
TODAY-
guess what?
EARLY IN THE MORNING SIX O CLOCK.. CUTHBERT CALLED CAT AND I AGAIN. WE WERE LIKE "HUH? US AGAIN. OH WELL. USED TO IT LA." BUT WHAT HE SAID TO US CHANGED OUR FACES. HAHAHA~
bert: erm.. i was erm.. really sorry that i blew my top that day.. erm.. i hope you girls understand that i was erm.. trying very hard to explain the fire alarm procedures and controlling the school whilst the two of you had to make things worst. i was wrong to have shouted at you at the top of my voice. erm.. i hope you all understand that i was already very angry and blah blah blah.. so i hope you girls will forgive me..
oh HAHAHA~ you humiliated us in public. i don't accept your apology. com 'on, you expect to get away with this? i expect a public apology. if i was wrong, i'd feel ashamed. but this time, it was SERIOUSLY NOT cat's nor my fault. we DID see a S Q U A S H E D insect in the area i was sitting. it was green, squashed flat and had ONE remaining wing. as girls, how do you expect US US US to not squeal and squirm (correct words?) ?!?!? S P A S T I C . i hate fuckass bert. but actually.. he is quite nice la. at times ONLY.
stayed back in school till 6 plus. the happening thing was.. on the way home.. kenneth. jaz and her classmates and i boarded the oh-so-full bus. we went to the upper deck and found plenty seats. there were empty seats infront and behind this man who was sitting alone(hmm..). he then started to shout "your mother DIE AH! family all DIE AH! ...DIE AH!!!!" hence, that's why nobody sat on the seats near him. i feel quite sympathetic for him. i wonder why he has to curse and curse. probably something abysmal happened to him. :c sad. and everyone looks down on him for being unhinged. oh well. just had the physics test. hahaha~ whacked it! online physics test. and being a unanimous class, we discussed our confusions on msn. HAHA!!! Xb but i was too focused on the test, i did not read what they typed. if not i can tell them answer. eh, i smart k. hahaha.. c: for a start.. it's NOT bad. but it's NOT good either.. boo~ okok, gotta whack the f&n project AND the english presentation tmr! AHHHHH!! and i miss my show. frig.
till nexxxxxxxxxt time.
byeeeeeeeeeeeeee....
8:10 PM;





Public Humiliation :
copied and pasted, from cat's oh-so-beautiful blog.
that has got to be the most suitable title to label my day today. yet somehow i am not exactly as embarrassed as i should be(well, noth cat and i were "SHAMELESS" in a decent way). hmm.. then again, it could be because i am used to being humiliated by teachers. rebellious. defiant. WHAT TO DO?

Cuthbert was making his apparently IMPORTANT speech about THE FIRE ALARM (right). So cat and i, happily listening, discovered a SQUASHED INSECT on the area i was sitting on (ewwwww). AND WE FREAKED OUT. AS EXPECTED, cuthbert told us to STAND UP. the ENTIRE POPULATION OF THE SCHOOL WAS PRESENT IN THE HALL, MIND YOU. and so i stood up. and as if it was not enough, he had to make us stand IN FRONT where everyone could see us. i s l o w l y walked there nonchalently whilst cat c r a w l e d to the front of the stand and s l o w l y stood up. then the whole world started to laugh.THANKS LOR. for the weirdest of reasons, that infuriated mr Cuthbert. maybe he didnt like laughter? (OH HEY, MAYBE HE`S JUST R E T A R D E D) he sent us out of the hall.Upon arriving the OUTSIDE of the hall, cat and i started laughing to shits. darnit. we have no shame. what to do? people borne with elephant skin.

after what seemed eternity, cuthbert appeared and told us to 'COME HERE'. then he started commenting that there IS something wrong with us. oh wait why dont i just type the conversation out. save the crap.
bert : i tell you all ah. there is something very weird with your behaviours. it is wrong you know? something is wrong.
cat : but there was an insect SQUASHED on the floor at the part where she (points to me) was sitting on!
me : *smiles smiles*
bert : but still ah, i tell you ah, there is something wrong with your behaviour (looks at M E). maybe your friends are too shy to tell you. i dont even think you know. there is something really wrong with you.
me : uh huh. but there was an insect.
bert : then you should have moved back!
me : we did what!
bert : but why did you have to laugh laugh and (acts outrageously in attempt to look like us) ?lynn : WE ARE GIRLS!
bert : no, there is something wrong with you.
cat and i : *nods head*
bert : ya see? (looks at cat) even she knows that she is wrong. and you? (looks at me) you are still smiling and laughing.
me : then what you want me to do?!
cat : ya la lynn. you need a therapist (cat, this is what you said).
bert : yes, and a psychiatrist.
cat : dont worry la lynn, i`ll bring you to the doctors.
cat and i : *giggles*
bert : you go watch those comedies, you see those idiots? you see how they behave? ya. you behave like them.
me : is that an insult?
bert : yes, that is an insult to bring you back to real ty.
cay : R E - A - L I T Y.
bert : yes, real ty. you all behave like monkeys.
me : no we dont. monkeys dont act like this.
bert : how do you know so much about monkeys?
cat : i watch the national geography what.
me : whatever la.
bert : (nothing to say) NOW GET OUT OF MY SIGHT.
interesting uh ..? haha. who gives a darn.
9:58 PM;





great, now that i have a proper blogskin, i shall update MORE OFTEN.. due to the requests of certain people who says i don't update enough. c:
so much has been happening in so little time. pardon me for saying this again but time has been passing in a blink of an eye. a few days back i was telling cat "man.. the class chalet is still like.. 2 weeks away.. tsk.. so long.." and what? there's only 1 week to the 12th of march- music is it concert- and the start of class chalet which is on the 14th. i'm sorry bandits.. but i won't be able to attend this overnight stay band camp. OH WELL. who'd bother anyway? not that anybody has been wary of my absence. nobody really bothers anymore. maybe, just maybe, i should consider helping the temasek freestylers in THEIR syf2005. hah! believe it or not, that is what i'd rather do than compared to the dejecting sectionals we always have. i've, no.. LOTS of "performance band" members feel so useless and neglected. we're like the excess proteins that runs in the bloodstream: important in ones body, but does nothing. i feel so E X T R A, so FRIGGING insignificant. we have no repertoire to practise, no ORGANISED band practices. N O T H I N G. we're just waiting for time to pass, the sun to set, awaiting to see a B E T T E R tomorrow when we have individual practice/sectionals (with only a miserable attendance of 3 flautists). I FEEL INSULTED. retarded. spasticated. pathetic. i can't keep myself mum anymore. i WANT to be heavily involved with affairs of the band. although how much i'd flunk my tests, i want to do something and not just practise scores played kezillion times or play scores that will not be performed. WHAT PERFORMANCE BAND IS THIS? my tone has become from worse to worst. why? cuz i've been drifting away from this band i ONCE belonged to. nothing really interests me anymore or keeps me going. the people who loves me are hardly present, and the people present hardly loves me. what point does it make if i go or not? my absence or presence would not affect anyone. who in the present band would give a damn if i'd be hospitalised one day?
"oh goodness gracious! she's hospitalised?!" haha~ such niceties are all FAKE. incognito. and who would really bother to visit me? hmm.. logically speaking, no one. majority would just go " oh fuck her, she deserves to die.."and walks away from reality.
i've been deceiving myself from the start. telling myself i'd give my best in syf 2005. and that i'd be a great friend to all the flautists and blabbers. HAH~ not being in the syf band wasn't a great deal to me. but going for band which always ends up as sectionals is. so unorganised. pissmeoff. i'd rather watch basketball. at least they'd talk to me. c: the warm feel that someone actually bothers to talk to you, ask you if you'd be going home soon and whether or not you'd wanna join them for dinner.. so NICE~ just like syf2003 band. it's not that i don't try, it's that people try for a while and then can't be bothered anymore. i'm not that hard to be with, am i? oh wells. umpteenth times i've tried to get myself enthusiastic about matters of the band. it just bores me. really. i don't feel the fire at all. the fire which mr glosz said the band had, and then accepted to conduct our band. NO FIRE, at all. eurgh. not that i wanna diss anyone, but seriously, i'm left out, left in the lurch, left on the shelf. whatever phrase used to describe neglected/ignored.
truth be told, there was one saturday where sandy and i were waiting for band to start. she waited for half an hour or so and i waited for a mere few minutes before knowing "yes, again, they'll delay our practice.. to what? 11am instead of 10.30am.." and then i got pissed and "muttered" to myself "godarnit i feel useless." sandy heard that and she teared. do you know how much you've neglected the performance band members? i wouldn't call it a "performance band". why? this "BAND" that consists of pathetic members waiting for someone to actually 'NEED' us. OH WELL, i've talked too much.
YAAY, music is it is nearing! wee~ AND SO IS THE CLASS CHALET!!! woo hoo!!!~ so long we've waited. our reward for passing our english n levels! whoopeedeedoo! i'm gonna have a helluva fun there! 14th of march.. I AM COMING!!!
and, huifang/kirby/nicholas, please inform me if there's any chilling to do! hahaha~ so stressed. or so i assume myself to be. the truth is? i haven been serious in any of the work.
8:23 PM;