hey hey! seems like my last post has never been the last. HURHUR.



oh cat. i'm drifting away that's why i feel so insecure. especially sheena. i think it's like i'm overly possessive. dang. it's not i want you all by my side. it's like i need you people, it's something that i must have beside me. and for the fact that im constantly sitting on the fence most of the time or for some instances, gossip too about her, i feel that i'm so close yet so far from you all because i feel somehow like i'm her. get what i mean? (the sentence is so damned long)



i feel so sorry for her. for all our pretentions. when i put myself in her shoes, i cry a million- times-an-infinity tears if it really happened to me.. people turning their backs on me. people putting a facade. pious people. definitely we're all turned off because of her meek submission to men and for her 'rowdy' ettiquette.. oh. her insolence when we give her advices. her competitive nothings. her attention seeking actions. so many other more. and it gets worse as we count all her negatives. maybe we've been pushing her to the edge. maybe she's got no one to turn to anymore. that's why.



and when i think of all this, i think of the plight im in. i feel so threatened. i'm afraid of losing all of you. YOU DON'T KNOW RIGHT!? i'm a loyal person. that's why. maybe overly-loyal. i dont know. i'm thinking too much probably. but i assure you i'm not paranoid. i swear la! hurhur.



ok, i'm talking too much already. i'm going crazy. my prelim results are SHIT. it's a whole damned pile of shit. 26 for l1r4? ONE f9 inside, if not it'd be like.. BETTER, definitely. and. HURHUR.. 35 for l1r5! BAHAHAHAHAHA. i'm a disgrace. i'm sorry dad and mom. and bs! i assume you're eugene. HEEELPP!
10:33 PM;





i don't get it.
i can't get it.
i'll never get it.
i'm oblivious to it.



they..
they all left me for themselves.



in class. me, a, b and c sits together.
i was seated at the "most inside" seat. e was absent.

miss: "yadda.. e"
*takes e's paper..
miss: "yadda..LYNN. a."
*takes a's paper.
miss: "yadda.. yadda.. yadda.. b."
*takes b's paper
-i sat there. hoping someone would kindly help me take my paper.
*finally, c handed my paper to me.
- i sat there. i'm like an abhorrence. i took my bag and sat by myself.



nobody bothered. nobody cared. from that very moment, i know what significance i am to them. i bet they all put me in the balcony in the-great-one's question. i did not feel this coming. i don't know. deep under, i'm just a follower. like a maid in a chinese palace. they, stand in positions of the empress or concubines or junior ladies. maybe, i can't fall in love with the best. i'm not worthy of them. i can't be cronies with them. if someone esle said "she hates me la!" all of them would argue "RUBBISH LA.". whereas for me, HAHA. they don't.



i'm not paranoid.
you're not me.
you won't know the way you treat me is actually different.



let me run. jump. and fall.




i'm only human. i want to be perfect but i can't help it.
i'm really only human. i don't want to cry but i can't help it either.
it's because you're starting to hate me that's why you find little things i do that's irritating. where exactly have i gone wrong? i was mean, i know. i have changed that. where else?



i can't beat your beautiful personality because i'm only me.
maybe i should've been that nerd from long ago.
i don't want to be bubbly lynn anymore.
bubbly lynn always goes wrong.
in short, lynn sucks.
i won't wallow anymore. i'll just admit that.
6:44 PM;