i'm hurt, i made hurt and everyone's hurt because of me.. AND HER.



there is certainly some things that i see that they don't. it's impossible to see yourself unless through a reflection in the mirror. and that mirror has to be me. i can see you, you cant. i'm sorry. i'm really very very sorry. sorry has no cure. i'm scarred. black record. shucks. i should go to hell. kill and punish me if need be. i'm ashamed. those things that i laid my hands on. someone please chop my right hand off. it was self defence. she grabbed me as though i was the one who started all the rants. it was unintentional, i swear. im sorry. i do love them. action speaks louder than words but.. i don't know.
10:48 AM;





unfathomable.


it's impossible to find out who was the one she wrote about but i know that it cant be her. my intuitive senses tells me so.
saddening. that's not very nice but what can i do if that is what they think? they ALWAYS speak the same language. so now i know.. that is what all of them always thought about.
sighs. i'm leaving the class. SIGHS. it's now that i know they aren't really that into me afterall. all those claimed memories. 5 years. yes, i'm definitely in the same situation as her. i don't know them. i'm confused. SIGHS. oh well. grad night was pretty fun because of the photo taking part. HAHAHAHA. i have so many photos to post.



thanks to cat for the hair styling. yay. curls. LOVE curls. oh well.



have a merry christmas. in advance. in case i kill myself because depression or something.
10:46 PM;





YESTERDAY was an absolutely FABULOUS day.


Nicole(my eldest sis) had her wedding yesterday night. woke up at 6.40 am and started preparing for the groom to come and ask for my sister's hand. it all started at 8.00 am. he came exactly at 8 and HAHA.. the fun started. the bride's maids had a whole lot of events lined up for him. to eat chilli, bittergourd, lemon and salt. to wear this OMG-very-diguisting G string (which my mom threw into my room later on) and take it off 'sexily' as he sings. 3 locks to open, one of it which is our own, 2 NEW extra locks bought. the last lock is to be opened by choosing ONE key out of the 9 keys they gave him. and those 9 keys weren't the keys to the lock at all. told him to sing a jay chou's song to my sister(cuz my sister loves jay chou). he and his brothers started singing out of tuned. so comical. hmm.. the events were well planned indeed. they threw him all the tasks and he's supposed to give us ang pao so we'll let him in. he himself has his stupid ideas la. first, he gave us S$10. hmm.. for 12 bride's maids. - -ll then 1000 ringgit. then gambling coins. then a FAKE US$1000. all these people.. got so many funny antics. hahaha. SO FUN LA.




then we went to their house at sembawang. the funny thing is.. they have so many brothers and sisters that even 5 cars cant fit all of us. we had to SQUEEZE for pete's sake. one car 6 people la. tsk tsk. on the road, those driving were like.. crazy. they kept cutting each other and try to lead the 3 cars. the bridal car has to always be the first. it was like a game of who leads, who wins. hahaha. however, some of them ended up leading all the cars, even the bridal car. tsk tsk tsk. weird people. hahaha. even the photographer was weird. he like taking candid shots of people. and he took 2 of me. DAMN UGLY PLEASE. i'll most probably put those nice ones of me in friendster la. bahahaha. (:




at night, zat, J, eugene, tim and malorie came over to my sister's wedding to play for the reception. hahaha. wait, and THE quintet's photographer. bahahahaha. so chim la their scores. they played and i was watching them. so long since i last heard some goooooooooooooood music. (: so the dinner started at 8. i din get to sit at the VIP's table which is quite sad la. tsk. but never mind, i enjoyed myself anyway. my very first time to go on stage and YAM SENG with the bride and groom. SO FUNNY LA! the cute best man stood behind me. HAHAHA. and he was damn noisy. so nikki and i were like.. WHAT THE HELL. but it was fun anyway. HAHAHA. the dinner was.. WAIT, WHAT DINNER? i din even eat much. hahaha. let me see.. i ate a small salad prawn, 2 cubes of pineapple, 5 sticks of the fried anchovy, a bowl of sharks fin, 4 pieces of the squid, 3 pieces of broccoli, 1 piece of chicken, 3 prawn crackers, 1 bowl of the noodles and half a bowl of the mango sago dessert. it sounds as if i ate a lot. hahaha. OH WELL. my dress was bursting anyway. HAHAHA.



never mind me. just hopes nicole stays happy everyday and of course jason treats her well, ALL THE TIME. bless good souls. love my sister!
1:03 PM;