i'm losing my hair and it's all gonna drop off one day because i've been yanking my hair out due to my bloodyhell hectic schedule. i'm going to chop my hair off. yes, i will. so cat you can stop telling me my hair is long. I WANT TO BE A MAN. i hate to be a girl. irritating. NO, I AM NOT HAVING MY PERIOD. no, i dont want to be a butch. i just want to look and feel like a boy. i want hair like paul twohill. dress-sense like japanese cosplay singers. i want to be a boy who looks like a girl. i want to be a pretty boy. ARGH. they say i cannot make it. FREAK LA.




listening to: DANCE INSIDE - the all american rejects.




-they mistook me for superwoman.

OKAY, kill me. they want me to have lessons from 9-1, be there at the compulsory CCA thingy from 3-5, dance lesson from 6-8 and when i get home i have to vacuum and mop the floor AND iron the clothes. xD AM I SUPERWOMAN? i wonder. they tell me to help with house chores, they want me to go out with them, they want to shop, they want to watch movie, they want to play at the arcade, they want me to be with them, they want me to be at the stall, they ALL want a piece of me. i'm being ripped apart.




WHO WILL BE MY SUPERMAN? BRANDON ROUTH? CRISTIANO RONALDO? someone cute, handsome, rich, healthy, loves me and will not have scandals and willing to let me live me life without worries and be a TAITAI for the rest of my life. f. this is NOT gonna happen. okay, kill me.



i don't even have time to gasp for air. i need a breather. :'want to go where?' :"i want you to GO AWAY."
11:37 PM;





ooh. read the blogs that i usually do read. (and luvena!! your blog url is?)



they make me think so much all the time.



OOH NICE!
listening to: STILL - foo fighters
the song is nice. i like.



btw, i was saying.. they've made a huge impact on my life and they'll stay that way. whatever they do makes me reflect. which is good. (: that's why i love them.




she's the one always helping others. willingly, not willingly, she still does it, without showing any signs of reluctance. she makes me think of myself as someone selfish, self-centred shit. like i've never thought enough for the people around me. i never cared to help. i do care a lot, but not as much as she does. she's like wonderwoman. she helps everyone around her.



she... she makes me think i have everything of the seven deadliest sin. anger, greed, lust, gluttony, sloth and pride. okay, maybe NOT LUST cuz i never lust. she loves him like ants love sugar. whether rich or poor. good or bad. dark or fair. she loves him. she doesn't get angry, she always forgives. she works so hard to make things happen for them. as for me, i'm like of total opposite. i never do give in. i get angry over the slightest thing. and when things don't work out, i don't give a damn. HAHA. i'm such a bitch. SUE ME.




she is the strong-headed one. she's always seeking for the better. she doesn't like things to maintain status quo. she has worked damned hard for this day and she still is for the future. and it makes me wonder. what am i? she once told me "you're a jack of all trades but a master of none". THAT hit me hard. that was one of the MOST depressing moments she put me through. and now she's still not satisfied with herself. and that makes me seem like a TOTAL failure. apparently. he/she said "how come she in ___, you in TP engineering? i thought you all always study together?". ARGH! cuz i suck can?



she stands by me, whenever things go sour. she'll hold my hand and accompany me when they walked ahead. i never did cherish her enough and i'm apologetic about it. she's always telling people "no no, you never borrow money from me! since when?!". and when i think of myself, i'm always so calculative. and it sucks when friends become calculative with friends. so i guess, i was a VERY sucky friend.



she always waits on and for me. and never did she complain. she always tells me it's okay. i made her get into the shit that belongs to me. like punishments. crap. all the time we've been treating her bad. but we do love her. she's patient. and i always curse and swear whenever i have to wait for someone. i've learnt to be patient. and till today, i'm late most of the times i meet up with them. i need my ass kicked. ):



THEY. they are guardians. they guided me. LIKE DUH~ i'm the youngest, the most adorable yet annoying crap. i love them. and i'm still unsure whether or not they love me. :\ but i have to say.. shopping at mango is SO TOTALLY NOT FUN. rummaging through stacks of messy clothes are a waste of time! cuz all the pretty shirts will be grabbed by the rest what. HUMPH. -.- love you girls. A LOT A LOT A LOT A LOT.




watched JUST MY LUCK today. it was interesting. well, to me at least. the thought of both of them giving up the luck just to be with each other. the thought of them saying "im lucky now that i have you". the thought of her giving her luck to him just becuase she thinks he needs it more. the thought of.. McFLY!!! whoa. i love dougie. he's like such a loner. HAHAHA. and that's like so totally cute. okay i'm being a bimbo. freak. must be under the influenced of all the bimbotic around me. AHHHHH!!!
12:32 AM;





listening to: absolutely - ninedays

"This is the story of a girl, who cried a river and drowned the whole world. And while she looked so sad in photographs I absolutely love her, when she smiles"





SHE'S SCARED. SHE NEEDS HELP. SHE RUNS. SHE SCREAMS. NO ONE NOTICES HER. NO ONE HEARS HER. NO ONE CAN SEE HER. NO ONE CAN HELP HER. SHE'S INEXISTENT. SHE'S DEAD.





watched silent hill. it's scary to be stucked in a different dimension. she thought her daughter and her are safe and can go back home. but truth is, they are as good as dead although they are alive because they are stucked in a different dimesion even after fighting so hard with all the baddies and surviving. freaky. i would've killed myself if i was her since there's no one in the world except the two of you. be it husband and wife. mother and child. whatever. i'll just kill myself. i'll give the movie 3.5 stars. the monsters are like terribly ugly. and the KING OF THE MONSTERS doesn't look like a king at all. the show's scary. the monster nurses are HOT!!! their boobs are like freaking big and firm and they wear mini skirts. VERY CREATIVE!!! a good catch.





i really wonder, how can you ever tell whether or not to trust a person. okay, sometimes you can feel it. but sometimes you can't. and when you can't, it's hard to tell yourself if you SHOULD put your 100% trust into this person who tells you he/she loves you. you're afraid of being cheated. but he/she tells you he/she REALLY REALLY loves you. so what would you choose to do? confused. muddled.




don't wanna try don't wanna try don't wanna try no more.
12:51 AM;





i don't know why i can be SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO moody and sad over people who thinks that i don't care about them. if i don't care enough for them, i wouldn't even be bothered about things they say. and now cat has said it, i feel so insecure. as insecure as i was before. i was the one feeling as though no one cared about me. they went to expo to study, the 3 of them. while god-knows-where-i-was. sheena wrote a testimonial for cat telling her she missed her and so. zhian, still hanging out with cat all the time.. i don't know. i always feel like i don't fit into this group. and till now no one understands. i'm just like someone trying to fit in.




my friend, he said: TINK HAPPY TOTS....




how can i when.. friends think friends dont care anymore. when friends think friends are just lying through their teeth. when friends think friends are faking their too-busy-cant-be-with-yous. when friends think friends are busy for all the wrong reasons. i don't know. now i'm feeling the way i was before. it's all the same feeling i get when someone says such things.




when friends think friends fake the i miss yous, i want to cry.
but i'm strong enough to hold my tears this time.




now all the mood has been drowned. i don't want to blog anymore. goodbye.
1:08 AM;





I CANT TAG ON MY TAGBOARD.


so hello to all.


zhian, I MISS YOU TOO!!!! -muahmuahmuah
sheena, can we movie soon?!?! all 6 of us!
Si. IS THAT SIMONG!? omg hello!
jazreel, OMG you actually hop onto my blog. LOVE LOVE TOO! (:
shut up javier. son you've been very VERY naughty!
AHHHH. scary ah bong. LOLS! -.-
guest: hello whoever you are. anyway, my US skates size are 6? not too sure myself.



went to DXO onenightstand's party. a lot of cuties. (: girls, boys, a lot a lot. good ah! BUT, the boys are super touchy. TSK TSK TSK. slap their face ah. lucky got IC boys protect the IC girls. phew. now im so into clubbing. in the clubbing mood until holidays are over! hahaha. whee~
*let's dance.
2:01 AM;





rahh. from wednesday, i wanted to blog but blogger was SOOOOO down. argh. wednesday was the last paper i had. brandon asked me to meet at IC and go play badminton. okay, i WAS supposed to play badminton but nah, i reached too late. when i was on the bus, i payed children fare, used my sec school ez link card and bluffed my way through. when the bus was at simpang bedok, i had this feeling there'd be an inspector coming up soon. and true enough, an inspector came up at eastwood centre. omgwth. BUT, i din know i was in for trouble la. -.- it's like the inspector asked for my card and all so i gave her the ticket AND my ez link card. stupid enough, i din know that stupidshitdarnedassholey thing would be so smart that it can actually find out my card is expired. damnyou. i was pretty darned confident la, that i can bluff my way through. okay, me and my stupidity. had to pay $2.10 in the end. ohprettyshit. ARGH. whatever. confiscated. given "warning" ticket thingy. it's still in my wallet. bah. stupid. stupid. stupid.




on thursday, was supposed to go for badminton, as usual, late. so i stayed in the shop for quite some time. was eyeing that australian jockey that mr moo was serving. (: okay, he's like 22, fit and rich. bonus: australian. HAHA. he came to buy a pair of skates, he told steven "can i pay cash? but i don't have small change." and he took out his LV wallet, and a stack of cash seperately. OMGWOW. that stack of cash. THAT stack of cash just made my jaw drop. the freaking LV wallet, AX shirt, pretty Handphone and puma shoes already tell me he's rich. but that 4-5 pieces of $1000 dollars plus a few pieces of $100 dollars tell me even more. okay, he DOESNT have 50, 10, 5 or 2 dollar notes. his smallest note is $100. -.- he's damn cool cuz he's a jockey that does racing in horse betting, he's only 22 and he has won 14 races in the short period of 5 months he came to singapore. he's nice and friendly too. haha. he doesnt put on airs. that's like the biggest plus point. oh well. enough said. i want to be a jockey too. (:




friday, rain rain rain. omg. the barricades in the rink are a curse. it's been raining ever since the barricades are placed there. argh. we could slide well with wet ground but.. I WANT TO LEARN PROPER SNOWPLOUGH!! )x sad. so we ended up playing and sliding any-o-how. lols. BUT, i left pretty early for a BBQ at downtowneast. hoho, met my primary school friend gabriel who's yilin's friend's friend. oh well, cool, he looks darn different with the long hair please. HAHA. homed at 1.35am.




saturday, went to sentosa! for nuyou/female magazine party. loads of bikini babes, bitchy ones, super hot ones, put-on-airs ones, a lot la. haha. a lot of hunks too. especially the models. whoa, drools. ohoh!!! and the catering boy! lols. he's damn hot. the face can melt all girls. we won a lot of prizes in the lucky draw. HOHO. 1/3 of the prizes were in our IC-ians hands. swam, like finally. they wanted to throw me in, but i offered to self-drown. LOLS. the sea water is so salty and it makes your hair dry, your skin sticky. eww. yuck. but nevertheless, it was darn fun. xD haha. watched midnight movie at cine. was supposed to watch the omen but watched she's the man instead. okay, rating: 4/5. everything was damn funny but i minus one point for the part when she lifted her shirt up to prove that she's a girl. -.- what sia, too exaggerated. but the show is funny la. hahaha. it's a must watch. haha. olivia is damn hot please. like.. PSsssss.. hohOHOT!



anyway, i made a new son. that is PIKU! pikupikupiku!! (x he calls me mmymu, pronounced as MIMA, opposite of mummy. LOLS. damn funny la. he is so cute. and the best kid skater apart from nipperless(nicholas/rockynipples). HAHA. so cute. yay, i love my 'family'. i also love my real family la.. i love IC. i love my 5 united. i have so many families. (x I LOVEEEEEEE ALL. ("v")
2:08 PM;





HA HA HA. engineering math paper today. AND I THOUGHT. okay, i repeat, I THOUGHT.. it would be a piece of cake. and they HAD to prove me wrong. BLOODYHELL! argh. nincompoops. the term tests practice in our booklets are so different from the questions they set in MY paper. WHY WHY WHY?! the papers almost ate me. i only knew how to do hmm.. 3 questions out of the 8 questions? and of one i did, i was quite unsure of. (wait, i think something's wrong with the sentence structure. OH WHATEVER..) bahahahahahaha. stressed ah. but, SOON it'll all be over! i go girl. i must jia you. all the best to me. LOLS. -.-




listening to : OPEN ARMS - 5566



something to share with you people. (:


what is love?
LOVE IS HELL.
but surely there's more to love than hellisheness isn't there?
YES! i lied. love is riddled with lying.
who wrote the book of love?
some goddamned liar.
can you ever be sure of love?
YEAH.
right.
what if your feelings get hurt?
welcome to the club.
is it possible that your lover could betray you?
who else would?!
how can you get over your love loss?
you'll get bored eventually.
how can you get back at a lover who left you?
don't be such a simpleton.
next time.
can love ever succeed in the end?
YES!
in fairy tales, tv dramas, and certain naive and foolish cartoons.
eventually he/she came back and lived happily ever after.
yea, you wish.


okay, this is super interesting please. admit it. HAHAHA. found it in this book i found in TP library. it's called "LOVE IS HELL" true enough.. LOVE IS, hell. i think, well to me at least.



quote quote : the sweetest love is the shortest love you'll get. the longest love is the love that'll never be returned.



javier is my son. looking for a father. LOLS. setting up a poll for who-is-the-father-to-be. anyone older than me can register for the poll. THANK YOU.
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! omgwthrubbish.


why can't the people i love love me too? why doesnt he/she come to me? why am i not good enough for him/her? why am i not as rich as paris hilton? why dont i get what i want?

you have the same questions? no answers? don't ask me. just face the reality la. like me.
9:32 PM;





'played' at the beach yesterday with ICians. hahaha. we were invited to the seventeen magazine party so we went to play. (: how sweet. i ain't a very beach person, so i sat down for an hour and a half at the bench with pek ann. we ate, chatted, gossiped. LOLS. then slowly more of them joined us in eating. LOLS. it was like a picnic at the bench. HAHA. we raped the buffet. nobody ate the buffet and so we did a great favour. we ate like babarians and what steven called us, PIGS. it was fun eating, lols. after eating, i finally got my fat ass off the bench and started playing frisbee, soaked my feet into the ewwee waters, perspired and got all sticky. haha. the girls had to queue for almost an hour to get into the bath, another half an hour for bathing and the boys waited for well, half of the time. hahaha. :x BUT jas and i took the shortest time to bathe, we were considerate k. for the other girls queue-ing. even in the bath, we had fun. they were playing pass the 'parcel'. there were four cubicles, each for zhu, maria, el and jas (i was waiting for either of them to come out). all of them (us) had to share zhu's only shampoo, bathfoam and facial wash. they screamed and shouted for each of the things they wanted and had to pass it from one person to another by throwing it to the person in the cubicle next to theirs. LOLS. the screaming and shouting part was damn funny please.



maria took the first cubicle that was available.
maria turns on the tap.
maria: AHHHHH!!! THE WATER SO COLD! OUCH!! THE WATER SO STRONG! OUCH!!! PAIN AH!!!!



jas: MARIA!!! I WANT DETTOL!!!
maria: NOT WITH ME!!!
xiaozhu: DETTOL WITH ME!!
jas: CAN PASS THE DETTOL?!?!?!
xiaozhu throws the dettol to the next cubicle, to maria.
maria: OUCH!!!! the dettol hit me!! where is it?!


LOLS. -.- i was sitting and waiting outside, listening to the ruckus they made. they are so cute la. can't take it. love em.




quote of the day "i want to go queensway and buy earrings! 80 cents only!" LOL. -.-



and when we finally finished bathing, the boys rotted. hahaha! first thing they said "WHOA, FINALLY." we trekked right after we bathed. lols. it was pretty damn dark. javier got so scared i held his wrist like mother holding her son la. yes, i'm giving him MU AI. (: the IC family getting bigger. hahaha. we walked from sentosa to harbourfront, ate at harbourfront's food court and back to IC by bus 10. thanks to steven for the dinner treat! (x LOVE.



i did something so wrong. shouldn't have done that. ): i'm sorry. MY BAD.
i must not sin again.
2:02 PM;





OMG. i almost forgot i had a blog. LOLS. i'm so sorry.. rahh. haven't been updating. and i CANNOT tag on my own tagboard. stupid cookies that can't be eaten..


* i dislike. i am. so. pissed. and. i. miss. my friends. [random rantings]



btw, i came to blog about the alumni band dinner at amara hotel. cat, yilin, wendy and i were the last to arrive and zat had to wait for our arrival before starting the dinner. eeks. i thought the food was awesome! i liked the potato salad with egg mayonnaise and the potato with onions. *slurps. i sat with all the cool people, for example: ken, joan, j, zhijian, cat, yilin and wendy. hugged a lot. a pity sandy wasn't there. i know she misses me and i miss her too. SANDY!!! you... YOU...!!! how could you not go? sighs. everyone's looking good. i wouldn't have looked good if er jie didnt help me do my make up! (: she's nice, i love my both my jie jies. everything was cool. well, i'm lagging. AS USUAL. he and she have something going on. he and she are ON. lols. (x so cool please. but i never noticed. :x until people tell me and i stupidly asked who gave her the flowers. LOLS. roy went "awkward situation, AWKWARD situation..". eeps. awkward meh?! :/ okay, maybe for them. SORRY my skin is as thick as an elephant's, so i din feel the awkward presence that they felt. sorry sorry. i love my band. year 2003 batch. TWE ROCKED. she told me to write that. shhh. OH! we saw the LIONS in the room next to ours. they were having dinner too! xD i saw lionel lewis. and i shouted 'THAT'S LIONEL LEWIS!", he turned and couldn't quite figure out who i was. oh well. but i waved. no, i'm not a fan of his. HAHAHA. and he waved back. so cute please.




YAY! finally, i've waited for this day. thursday. know why? TOMORROW WILL BE FRIDAY THEN COMES SATURDAY and SUNDAY! YESAH!!! i just can't get my mind off skating twentyfourseven. contemplating whether or not should i bring my books to study for the term tests. there are so many inappropriate stuffs written in these booklets of mine. HAHAHA. :x whatever.



I LOVE INLINE CULTURE MANY MANY.



*oh my, she's so adorable. the cutest thing ever.



I MISS YOU CAT. I MISS YOU SHEENA. I MISS YOU ZHIAN. I MISS YOU LUVENA AND EMILY. I MISS ALL OF YOU IN 5UNITED SO MUCH. I MISS THE TIMES WE GO GAGA IN CLASS. HAVING MASS ORGY AT THE BACK OF THE CLASS. MAKING STUPID FACES USING THE POSTER OF LINDSAY LOHAN. SINGING OUT-OF-TUNED HAPPY BIRTHDAYS FOR THE BIRTHDAY BOY/GIRL. TAKING TONS OF PHOTOS DURING OCCASIONS. PLAYING BASKETBALL. PLAYING SOCCER MATCHES WITH OTHER CLASSES AND THE GIRLS CHEERING THE BOYS UP. THIS ALL WOULD BE MY ONE AND ONLY GLORY 5UNITED. I LOVED. AND STILL DO.


9:20 PM;