Q: Does he call you beautiful instead of hot?
`sexy he calls. that's pretty close to hot.
Q: Does he call you back when you hang up on him?
`i wished very hard when i hung.
Q: Does he stay awake just to watch you sleep?
`he says "you sleep, i go home first."
Q: Does he kiss your forehead?
`hmm. once in a while.
Q: Does he hold your hand in front of his friends?
`he lets go and scurry off and gets busy in a full conversation with them.
Q: Does he constantly remind you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you?
`he did say once about the past where he thought of me being "the only one" but never tells me that he is lucky to be with me after he's with me. oh, he says "i don't care about anyone else", does that mean that he cares about me?
Q: Does he introduce you to his friends and says, ' This is my girlfriend!! ' ?
`i'm close to invisible for that 5mins when he sees his friend cus he becomes so excited and engrossed as i slowly become transparent.


Yes, no matter how nice a person is, they can be quite retarded and dumb too.
I get so dissed 3 in 10 times that even mynicebf can be so oblivious to how i'm feeling inside.

Don't they get it? You ask. NO, THEY DON'T GET IT.
A quarrel always lead to cold wars. And cold wars are always the ultimatum and chance to make up for the quarrel/thing they've wrongly done.

Don't stop and stare like a mannequin or block of wood, waiting for us to 'cool down'. COLD wars are COOL enough we don't need extra 'cool' time to 'cool down'. The time when you actually leave us alone to 'cool down' we get more agitated by the fact that you're actually leaving us alone. And when women THINK, they think of ALL THE BAD THINGS. so eventually when you finally pluck up the courage to speak to us, we already have another 10 things in mind that worries/disses us to rant about.

Imagination is knowledge but sometimes imagination that are too wild can be a hazard. I am guilty as charged. I let my imaginations run wild and eventually i get so upset over the most unimaginable things. Imaginations are the culprits too.

So if they never left us alone to 'cool down', imaginations would never appear. everytime i'll think "so he is still fine and normal even after 6days of not calling him? so he can be single what. then we shall break up. there's no purpose in staying together since it's only in name.. so what for? might as well split." yes, these thoughts rise everytime.

cus boys don't bother to call or ask to meet up and girls are usually the ones who hang up and if we are the first to send a text or call, we concede defeat (sorry i've got a huge ego) and that without you my life would be terribly awful so i need you to come back. SORRY HOR, there will never be a time where a single girl in singapore is not wanted. you know why?

cus those boys who stupidly leave their girlfriends to 'cool down' will split and they will be looking for new girls (if they're not heart-brokened) very soon after the break up. ^o^ true right? i'm speaking from POV*. i've seen it a lot and been through it a few times. bla! stupid cupid.

*POV = point of view.

okay, this post is pretty long. i just thought i'd speak up a bit since a handful of my friends are forlorn and in the doldrums. i'm a lil dissed by my bf too. TSK. BOYS.

quote from davidandgoliath "BOYS ARE STUPID. THROW ROCKS AT THEM."
and 1 day i shall try. lol. :X

2:52 PM;





it's awful.
deep inside uncovered.
11:09 AM;





well, trip to kluang was nice. ;) everything was good although most of the plans were cancelled. lol.

i had a bit of fun. we played at a small farm, climbed half of NAN PA SAN(difficult to climb mountain), did a mini adventure trial, shopped, lost 50rm (i don't exactly know how. i'm getting very VERY muddle-headed.) and ate TRUCKS of food..
everything was taken care of. which is great cus if i had to plan each meal, lodgings and location to be in, i'd be in such a huge mess. ;D mummy and daddy paid for most of the meals. kat's uncle brought us around and provided us rooms to sleep in his clean big home.

haven't been out of singapore in a very long time. so i'm pretty satisfied.
even if it was a 1-day trip to johor bahru, i wouldn't mind. singapore is giving me headaches. everything is pricey. BLA. enough said, i'm sure everyone has already noticed that.
and there, another month has passed. i'm hardly catching up. i need a lil time to gasp and rest. sighs.
*daddy and mummy = shawn's parents

the trip to kluang was super short..
and it really made me realise absence makes the heart grow fonder.
wonder how's it gonna be in the future. dang.
btw, i'm such a lucky girl. as told by mummyting, my daddy, nicole dajie and zac.

cath said this "name-of-person-i-forgot said to me before that everyone has to go through some heartbreaks before finally finding the right one. but then i told her lynn doesn't leh! all the boys she likes are very nice to her."
true enough. i thought for a bit. and i am still thinking. i did have a lot of nice people around me. and i did say a lot of mean and nasty things to them to turn them off and they keep in mind what i've said. truth be told, i've said loads of inhumane things. i feel pretty darn remorseful to have said what i always say.

he asked "what were my flaws? you told me to realise it myself. i still can't think of anything." i can't remember. i don't even know i said that. something i said while i were in a fit, people actually do take it seriously. dang. i must've broke a lot of hearts.

and another "i still have feelings for you but you're attached and i don't wanna choose something that i want when it is wrong." and another "no matter what your decision is, i wish you happiness even if it isn't me." wha. thinking back of what people say and what i've done.. i don't understand why i have such great people to even like me when i'm so ugly.

you think i always say "i'm cuter than you lor. come on, obvious." means i have an over-flowing boost of self-esteem. honestly, i have close to zero self-esteem. i'm always afraid that my boyfriend would stray away and fall for someone better. you know, we always quarrel cus i tend to get over-possessive and become jealous easily.


that's why i always shut down halfway even though I DO LIKE THE BOY A LOT. i'll give 1 reason. "i'm very different as a friend and as a girlfriend." i had a lot of potential AWESOME boyfriend-to-be but i turned them down. well, i think i just need them and my boyfriend to know, i have a huge ego but i got NO self-esteem.

hello, i am like eyeless and flawful. i get jealous even when my boyfriend shares his drink with my girlfriend. "knock knock lynn fu. stop jealousy. it's a sin." and i haven't even thought about him when sebast gave me a birthday kiss in front on all the international skaters. dang. :( i'm sorry sexypigu, you know i love your pigu most.

and the boys that i LIKED BEFORE, i did really like you BUT i wasn't ready to commit. i was in the middle of soul searching. i wasn't a player or a heart-breaker. i'm just stupid.

and i admit, i still am. hopeless.
i guess sometimes it's just me.. i love boys! :D

and.. this is how i'm feeling when jealousy kicks in.
Under the Surface - Marit Larsen (one of the M2M girls)
1:03 AM;





i must've done something great in my previous life to get so much good things in my current life.

although that was pretty much a big ass game, we looked at it lightly cus most of us knew nothing would've come out of it cus of apparent reasons. it's something i did to cause everyone else to be implicated. dang. i'm feeling so sore.. boo. NOT! none of us got affected and enjoyed ourselves the following days.. ;)

hey shortie it's your birthday,
we gotta party cus it's your birthday!
it's me it's me, IT WAS MY 16th BIRTHDAY! AHHAHAHAHA!~

15th dec~
i woke up to a noisy whining baby and a family of people talking at the top of their voices while having their breakfast. ohoh, i forgot the greedy barking dog. :) boyfriend walked out of the room and everyone asked "the birthday girl leh? birthday girl haven't wake up?". i was pretty shocked that everyone was home waiting for me to start the day. so i had a hearty breakfast and left the house shortly to meet up with my girlfriends.

headed to tanah merah at 11 to meet them for ice skating. we laughed as we fantasized about all those dreamy figure moves with a really really cute young caucasian figure skater. lol. ate at new york new york in city link and went over to suntec for some digesting. hmm. boyfriend came to fetch me home and dropped my girlfriends off at tampines interchange.

so they dragged time a lil and made things pretty neat. i was oblivious to an upcoming surprise at home. when i got home, my eldest sister got involved into the surprise. she acted well but! i got a giveaway by my dog. lol. they hid in my parent's room and when i opened the door, tingfei, kat, zac, anny and cath walked out as fei held the cake. so cute luh. it was awesome. :D

after all the surprise and cake eating, our next celebration was at the new east coast IC shop! :D woots. although it wasn't a real celebration/party i got pretty psyched up cus finally, we got the shop that all of icians wanted!

the french, british, taiwanese and singaporeans were all at the rink doing crazy things. it was funny that the least expected people that would remember my birthday and give me presents, gave me a present. QQ, siokwah and sebastian each gave me a small present that i'm happy with. :D i was so glad to have so many people with me on my birthday luh!

sebastian actually remembers me for my orange specs and my dumblooking speed slalom fish move when i met him 2 years ago. haha. amazing. i thought he'd clean forget me cus he doesn't even come to singapore as often as naomi does. oh well, i felt his moustache on my cheek. it's cool, i'm satisfied, you're envious. ;0 HAHA!

16th dec~
something terribly bad happened. :( i lost my genuine coach purse with my NRIC, ATM card and SGD$46.05 . i was really moodless luh. sighs. boo. if you count the the total amount that i lost, it was $315 + $120 + $20 + $46.05 = $ 501.05. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. karma right you say? i was super upset the whole of last night but got cheered up by zhu and sebast while in a game of poker. we stole each others nuts. o.o HAHAHA. oh well. i was still slightly upset cus i lost my purse luh.. boo..

hope the 6-year couple will straighten things out, live with each other's flaws and be happily together again. (:
hope he will be more mature and know how to handle things properly now that his closest kin left him for good. i'll watch your back boy. take care of yourself!

17th dec~
dad came in to my room and said " What else did you lose? what was in your purse?!" when i haven't even told my parents that i lost my $501.05 worth of things. then dad continued "one woman pass to our neighbour your purse last night and said she found it at east coast. call her and thank her for returning your purse.". goodness gracious. the person who found my purse brought it to my DOORSTEP. but i wasn't home until 3am and my parents were alr sleeping at 1am+ so she passed it to my neighbour.


it's karma right? so i must be a nice person to deserve the people who treat me twice as nice. (: i love my dad and mom deep deep. i love both my sisters a lot. i love cath, anny (and sheena who doesn't have time for me but has time for her bf, boo) who accompanied me for the whole of my birthday. big big thanks to kat, zac, tingfei (for the surprise), zhu and jaslyn for the necklace. QQ and siokwah for the very unexpected present. those people who wished me, (too many to mention) THANK YOU ALL (though it's kinda late) FOR THE WARM WISHES. and big thanks to florence who returned me my purse! i'm a happy girl.

last but not least (in fact most important), THANK YOU BOYFRIEND! at so many times, i am highly annoying, extremely unreasonable and terribly hurtful, we pulled through it and there might be more to come (HAHAHA), but i will make sure i won't do it as often anymore! i just can't thank you enough for the things that you've done for me. I LOVE YOU LUCAS NG JUN JIE MANY MANY (and a bit of sebastian :X)! you are the greatest! you are the cream to my cake, the flame to my candle, the light at the end of the tunnel and the spark in my life! hugs&kisses.

i think i really finally realise, i am fortunate. to have a handful of the world's nicest people to be around me. those who dislike me can continue doing so cus you know what? i don't need to know what you feel about me cus you're the one at the losing end where i'm at the top of cloud 9.

i'm feeling superb. i feel so good about myself. I AM AWESOME and I HAVE THE MOST AWESOME FRIENDS AND FAMILY! hugs hugs!
1:47 PM;





CRAP. i hate you, body.

this is the 87123548th time i fell sick in this year. how encouraging when i'm supposed to emerge stronger than i was being left with. tsk tsk. oh well, i'm taking good care of myself so that i can recuperate to finish all my tasks. mommy made some eewyucky drink to reduce phlegm, i drank a lot of cough syrup to soothe my throat from all the heavy coughing, drank plenty of water.. aikes. so miserable. i hate falling sick.

my head is heavy. my back is aching. i'm running a temperature. i've got huge chunky greenish yellow phlegm. my throat's hoarse. my cough is killing me. my body feels like jelly. and i'm having difficulty breathing!

I WANT TO SKATE. body please recover soon. :(

9 days to WSC. :) good luck lynn. good luck team. all the best IC~! <3
10:42 AM;





familiarity breeds content.
stupid, self-absorbed in your own world.


if you think that already having the girl in your dreams be with you in reality is something you deserve and that you should be satisfied about it, please think again. we are different people who grow up differently, and 2 individuals who think differently and live differently. i do not think like you do and i will not be contented until i find someone who can make me feel different.

i don't really know how to knock some sense into people. or actually talk to solve matters. to me, i'd just cry over it for a night, sleep over it and wake up to a new face. we should live life at the moment we're living it. so when i say something, things should be done to amend it so that the next time we see it coming, it doesn't happen again. talking about 1 thing eventually leads to 10 other arguments. so why talk when it always turn out the same?

in 9 months, i've learnt not to care about a single shit. the more you care, the more trouble you're giving to yourself. because caring and being sensitive (or over-sensitive) makes another person feel fucked up. if you don't wish to get involved in any fucked up situations, please remind yourself, you don't want/need or should have a girlfriend. is it wrong to point out something that you want to be changed/needs attention? if you keep insisting that "I don't know about this", then continue to not know for the rest of your life, you're really stupid. so start learning.

people see it from the surface of 10% of the ice berg. nobody sees 90% of what's below.

i feel absolutely upset about what i had gotten into. what i have put myself through. what i have made myself into. i should've cleared my mind from those pathetic thoughts before even making a decision. now i'm feeling fucked up.

i've finally shrugged it off, shut it down and freed myself from fucked up situations.

whether or not i'll live happily i will pull through. i've already tamed myself to live in regret.

i don't understand. if i make such an asshole impression of a girlfriend, i would've made an asshole for a friend. so if i make a great friend, why would i not be great as a girlfriend. please enlighten me.
why does everyone think that i'm a tyrant/bully when i'm being paired with someone slightly less tyrannical and looks a little less demanding?

just because i have a strong front, it doesn't mean i'm a big-headed, full-of-myself, self-confident spoilt brat. everyone has their soft spots. everyone is flawed. no one can be impeccable.

at times where i am seen at my strongest, i'm actually at my worst. i just don't show it because i don't want to affect anyone else. so many times, nobody can actually tell how i really am feeling inside. i hide it well. everyone has a mask for each friend but i have a mask for each time i'm feeling sore. it's not good to bottle up my feelings, but i just don't wish my feelings be known.

i'll just continue to be the unreasonable asshole who doesn't give a shit. i'm not understanding. i'm not nice. i'm impatient. what's the point of holding on when you know there's nothing that will be done about it?

so today i'm posting this because i've decided, i officially give up on him. i give up. i rest my case. hands down.
11:07 PM;