i've failed to update my blog in such a long time.
sometimes the things i would want to blog about seem so irrelevant and unimportant because it's always about things that i do all the time - skate, eat, sleep, play games, watch tv etc.
february has been great. hmm.

lets' see.

i had quite a boring valentine's day with my i-don't-know-what-you-want-to-do lover.
... a postponed 1st year anniversary (omg how time flies).
... and i haven't met my chummies since NYE2009.=[

well, i'm not blogging to complain about how miserable life is.. actually i'm fine with it.
there's always times where they're huge tidal waves and others, tranquility.


but there's this rumour/secret in my head that keeps on questioning myself. whether or not i should take it seriously or should i just put it aside.

it's been causing a great deal of emotions within me. you see...

someone, not actually a close friend anymore, told me this secret/rumour that involved my bf and his "ex-gf" (but he insists they were only close friends) having an intimate and sexual relationship... before "breaking up" with her and being with me.
that is what made her so vengeful and psychotic.

she seeked revenge by using her bf to humiliate me infront of our mutual friends (her bf and i were pretty close friends before), told him to insult me if not she'd threw a fit and rage into fury. she'd cut herself when she felt neglected. calculate the times into percentage and decimals of how much time her mate did/did not spend with her and even get jealous over her mate spending time with a male best friend.

i don't really understand her and her feelings (do not want to) but i'd really like to find out whether or not the sexual thing involved with my bf was the truth or a lie.

this someone who told me this secret was very very very close to her.
he said she got so angry with my bf because he dumped her just to be with me after taking her chasity away from her. but her chasity was already taken from her by her previous mate. wait..

if it is the truth, bf is at fault and in some serious shit.
but if it is a lie, why would she do so?
what would she gain by saying such things? by ruining his reputation she does not stand to gain.. also, it affects her own reputation too.

it's really a complicated issue.
i'd really like to trust my bf on one hand but on the other, it could be a possibility.
BUT.. if she's so psychotic, why would she not lie right?
BUT.. if there's pleasure, why would any men reject right?
BUT.. it involves my bf. =[
BUT.. it's the past.
BUT.. is it or is it not the truth?


i'm bewildered. BUT OH WELL.. i'm glued to this not-tall, not-dark, not-handsome, not-rich bf. sometimes i really wonder what got into me. =\
where has the every-girl's-fairytale-fantasy in me gone to?

i'm satisfied to the point that i've become complacent.
about myself, about my bf, about my life.
i need some motivation from women who live like those from Sex and the city.
high fashion, career, money, health, looks...
oh oh, not forgetting friendship that'll continue even till i'm 50. =]


dang. i need inspiration. AHH..
i need to get my head over the truth/lie thing first. grrr...

curse those people who create rumours and tell lies, causing conflicts and inflicting pain and misery into people's relationship. you deserve a good tight slap.
please do some soul searching. if you have no soul, buy a pig's brain from the supermarket and think properly what you've done to others and how they feel about it.

if you wanted us to break up, it was close but not achieved. even if it was the truth, it doesn't matter anymore. although i'm not fine with it, i'll learn to be.

so... hip hip hurray.
i'm changing for the better. that's a start. lol.

good morning people. i can't believe i woke at 6am today just to jot this down into blogger.
at least a good piece of shit off my mind. maybe it'll be good to hear from people that how this is a lie and set-up just to ruin things for me. LOL.

that's it, i'm going to have my breakfast with mommy and daddy.
have a good day readers! =\
8:47 AM;





someone brought me to play lan after a supposed-to-be-friday-skate-training-day.

someone taught me how to play DOTA.

now someone has been playing DOTA all day long.

great. now i am a full-time gamer/bummer at the same time baby sitter for the dogs.

omg i'm wasted. i need to get a PT job soon if not i'm going rot and disappear into thin air one day.
but my presence's been slightly transparent alr.

dang. sucks to be me =(
10:21 PM;





SAD.
UPSET.
DEPRESSED.

MIA.
goodbye.
8:46 PM;